MS walk... and Other Junk

So.. I've been tanning lately. Which is stupid, I know.. blah blah, skin cancer.. blah blah... but lets face it, tan fat looks better than pale fat. While I know I'm no longer considered "fat" per-say .. I still see myself that way, and it's what I see that matters right now. Anyways, I tanned today for 10 minutes against my better judgement.... (Listened to my MOTHER!!!) and now my ass is "bed"burned. haha.. it sucks. I guess it'll keep me from sitting on my ass though. hah! 

April something I signed up to do an MS walk with Brooke and Lea Anne and My mom will be joining, she "says" we'll see. It's at 8:30 in the morning, so getting Brooke and my mom out and about that early will be interesting. It's on a Saturday, so I'll be taking my 3 demonoids. aka my children. It's only a mile walk, so They'll be fine. Speaking of my kids.. not my mom or Brooke. lol ;) I kid I kid. :) 

Brooke, Lea Anne, and I are doing a challenge...whoever loses the biggest % of fat in a month (starting yesterday) wins a t-shirt that will say something along the lines of "I got this shirt because I kicked ass" or something equally as funny. I'm sure between the 3 of us, we can come up with something killer. lol So far, Brooke has lost 2 pounds in the 2 days shes been on her stupid diet and Lea Anne has lost some retarded amount already... I might need to step it up. O_O damn it. Oh well... this was my idiotic idea to get me out of my lazy doldrums I've been in. I should have just started with something like,... hey, lets see if I can knock another 10lbs off this month.. noooo I had to go and start a contest with Lea Anne. LoL. ayyyeeee.

He Believes in me! lol

Tomorrow,.. I'm thinking about riding my bike to Curves though. It should be pretty, and Allen is home from NM so no worries on time restraints with kids and junk. I suppose we'll see how sunburned my ass is tomorrow.. because I'm not standing up to ride my dang bike. Nope.

Also, this weekend I'll be going to the good ole KOA to do some walking with Brooke and Lea Anne too. I used to walk that pretty frequently, but then I got lazy and it got hot so I stopped.. but I'm not talking, like, warm, it gets EFFING HOT walking out there. Especially when I had to push a stroller if I want to walk. Which was good exercise. Unless you're my mom,.. then it becomes an obstacle. haha Hopefully some day I'll be one of those girls that go out there and run that shit for fun. There are super stupid steep hills out there, so I don't envision that being any time soon, but I'd like it to happen.  I'd also like my arms to magically get toned. These meaty hooks are getting annoying. All I see is flab flab flab when I look at them. O_o I think I am way over critical of myself though.. Like, maybe I don't really LOOK as bad as I THINK I look... I don't know. eh... I still want them to have definition. 

I hadn't updated in a while so I figured I'd get on here and lollygag and put something about something. My wedding ring already needs to be re-sized... which is kinda cool. My fingers ALONE have lost 2.5 sizes. I think I'll take the advice of my friend Aubreya and get a spacer on it until I'm where I want to be, THEN get it sized, because it takes Kay Jewelers a good 3 freakin weeks to get that crap done, and by then, I could be another half size down! 

Can you believe I already have the tattoo itch again? I've got big plans guys... My mom is going to hate them.  (sorry....) but I love them. Brooke and I have been friends for going on 21 years, and what better way to celebrate that than to get a "friend" tat. We're thinking some roses or something. Also, I want either a dream catcher or a peacock on my other shoulder, and I also want a sea horse somewhere.. I'm picky with the placement because I want to be able to look at them. I don't get tattoos for OTHER people to look at, I get them for me to look at, and I just don't feel that I'll be able to enjoy say, a back piece. However, I'm terrified of getting them on my thighs. That shit looks painful. Also, I really love the idea of a foot tattoo, but I'm scared to death of that too. My feet are bony. 

Welp... I guess I'm done on here for now... I'll post again after this weekend is over possibly... 

Oh, good news, I'm down to 139... bad news, that's down from 143 on 1/31/13. I've gotta kick it up a few notches  if I want to win that damn challenge. (BAM!....Emerill reference... couldn't pass it up.)

New Ink!!! Who Needs a Dooney?!

So, I was going to reward myself with a new Dooney and Bourke purse after the Funnel Cake 5K, but instead... I decided to celebrate my weightloss, and 5k goal by getting a new damn tattoo! I FREAKING love it. Thats an understatement. It's amazing. I knew it would be because the guy that did it is fucking AWESOME. Got it done at Trufant Bros. tattoo here in Angelo.. by Aubrey. He did my very first tattoo about 7 years ago, and it still looks brand new and I still get compliments on it.

 Here is my new edition......

It took a little under 3 hours for him to do, and it didn't hurt NEAR as bad as I anticipated. I can't wait to get another one already. O_o Sorry mom. 

I'm not super thrilled with this pic though I have to admit... My arm looks a lot more meaty than I'd like. Time to start toning again. I've seriously slacked off a lot since running the 5K with Lea Anne... I've actually only gotten on my treadmill ONCE. yikes. I'm getting a little lazy again. Lame. 

Speaking of Lea Anne... she's been down in the dumps this past week due to some bullshit Chemistry professor she had run three 5ks in 3 weeks!! Anyways, she ended up pulling every muscle in one of her feet and might not run again for a while. :( I feel like that would be equivalent to someone telling me, I couldn't listen to music anymore. Running for her was a big deal... but I hope she knows it didn't define her. She's an amazing coach and an inspiration to me still. I can PROMISE you that had it not been for Lea Anne, I wouldn't have ran that 5k. Her motivation and encouragement has been a big deal in my weight loss journey.  I sure hope she knows how awesome she is!

So.. Tonight my mom took Ethan and Jacob out to her place and is keeping them for the night.. THANK GOD. Allen has been in NM for work since Wednesday and when hes not here, these kids just run all over me like crazy. It's not like I don't spank them and junk, trust me I do. Today within the first 20 minutes of Ethan getting out of bed I had to spank him for yelling at me "I don't want it!!!!" that's his way of saying 'no' to me when I tell him to do something.. i.e. "Go to your room!!!" "I don't want to go to my room!!!" Sometimes he'll even slam his hand down on the coffee table or something.. Man hes a shit. Tomorrow shes taking Hailey to the mall, so she can get her nails did and go see the water fountains. That kid loves those water fountains. 

Tomorrow I'm starting my weights again. I need to tone up these arms... At least I don't look like this anymore!!!!

Where did my boobs go!? Look at that big ass tub man... I'm so glad I won that membership at Curves last year. Only a little weight left to get off this tiny frame, and I'll be good to go! <3

My First Race!!! 32 Minutes!!!

I ran my first race today! It was the 1st Annual Funnel Cake 5k. I ran it in 32 minutes! I'll be back next year for SURE. I just hope next year its a closed course and we wont have to run around horses and shit. Literally... shit. I didn't mind the smell of the animals so much, but that stretch with all the food carts and junk almost killed me. Nothing like the smell of bacon and grease to pump you up while you're trying to run. Oh.. If I haven't mentioned it yet, we ran at the carnival. They set up the course within the carnival area, so we were running past people walking, eating, drinking, whatever. 

I did NOT eat a funnel cake. I didn't want one, and to be honest, I still don't. I ate some awesome bagels though and that was enough. I'm just super stoked I finished. I did speed walk for a few minutes because it was WINDY AS SHIT out there and the dust and the head cold I'm already battling started getting to me. BUT I still finished! And I wasn't last! 

My number! 

Lea Anne ran with me of course and she kept my pace the whole time. She didn't even talk shit when I had to walk a little... she was just encouraging me and lying to me telling me we were almost finished.. I met her wife, Whitney for the first time today too, she's hilarious. She didn't run. She was smart and just clapped for us when we finished. :) They're both fun people. 

However.... I drove home and when I got out of my car, my legs basically turned to dust. Running for 30 minutes, and then sitting in a vehicle (with a butt warmer) for 15 minutes do not go well together if you need the use of your legs for, say, walking. I'm sure they'll get used to it. They better get used to it. 

Lea Anne is already telling me about a 5k Trail Race next weekend. I think she's trying to kill me. 

I'm going to be staying with my mom tonight... The landlord is actually doing something with our tub today. Not sure what hes going to be doing yet, but I don't care, he said it would be done today and that's all that matters. There are going to be storms and crap though, so instead of freaking out at home by myself, I'll go stay with my mom and freak out over there. I HATE storms. I start getting sweaty, and I pace a lot and get shaky... its crazy. Or maybe I am....

A Very Special Place...

I've been running on my treadmill to get ready for the 5k coming up TOMORROW, and let me tell you.. I have to go to a very special place in the corner of my head to do it. Not because its hard, but because my treadmill is in the garage, facing the wall, and next to a refrigerator. I used to have it to where I could open the door and see outside while I was running, but my husband decided it was in his way right there, and moved it. Check this shit out..

I've got my fan up high enough so I can feel the wind blowing on me... I usually have my water bottle up on the fridge so when I need a drink I just reach up and grab it. My husband is a mechanic so that's why there is tons of just...random looking shit on the fridge. lol (the fridge is stocked with WATER....and milk for the kids, but mostly water!) Anyways... that's my shitty treadmill and my shitty area. I ran for 30 minutes yesterday and hit 2.2 miles. woot! 

I was going to do what I had been doing, run for 5 minutes and walk for 1 minute, but I felt like I could keep going... so I did. I ran a full mile before I thought to myself.. ok i'll walk now. I remember when I first started to run, that shit was hard. I was trying to just bust out a mile no stopping, yeah, that sucked and was stupid. The run 5 walk 1 is a lot easier. I've noticed I'm able to run for longer periods of time now without wanting to stop. Which is cray cray. :) I never EVER thought I'd enjoy running.. but I think I'm starting to. Thats a foreign concept to me. I don't think I can call myself a "runner" yet... but I'm definitely a person that likes to run occasionally. haha! 

I personally think I have a super weird playlist of songs that I listen to while running... Here are the top songs on my list...

Rock Me Gently - Andy Kim

As Long As You Love Me - Bieber

One More Night - Maroon 5 

We Are Never Getting Back Together - Taylor Swift

One More Drink - Ludacris (haha) 

Love Shack - B52's

Sugar, Sugar - The Archies

I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry

Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice

I've actually come up with alternate lyrics to One More Night... lol It's a song between me and my treadmill. haha Running on a treadmill is really a love / hate relationship. I mostly hate it, but I'm starting to love it. I like the fact that I can look down, and see my stomach getting flatter and flatter, and thats all the motivation I need to get my ass on that thing. Yesterday I went from not wanting to do ANYTHING, to running for 30 minutes and then going to work out at Curves for 30 mins. 

OH I'm so excited! I ordered myself a watch from Amazon the other day, should be here Monday or Tuesday... and it tells your calories you've burned, and keeps track of tons of junk. plus, its pink and girly. Love it. And speaking of pink and girly... I've got the tattoo itch BAD. I want an owl... maybe... or a dream catcher, I want a big one and I want it on my arm. I know my mom won't like it, but its my arm, and I'm 27! No shit, I had to do that on a calculator... I forgot how old I was! LOL Thats bad.

I'm trying not to think about the crap thats going wrong right now and just focus on the race tomorrow. But I have to touch on it a little... I got Jacob up for school this morning, went to start the car to make sure it was warm for the babies, and it wouldn't start. I fought it for 10 minutes at least before it decided to start... and then chugga chugga for a minute before it started idling normally. My husband is my mechanic and hes in New Mexico till the 13th! He says it sounds like my fuel filter is trying to take a shit.. woohoo! Just what I like to hear. Not only that, so, a few nights ago, my bathroom flooded. Allen told our landlord that the drain pipe was rusted and bad and he needed to fix it... well the landlord sends some booboo ass plumber over here who resets the toilet for some reason, but says theres nothing wrong with the bathtub. Last night, it happened again! So, my landlord comes out today, and looks for himself, and low and behold, he says the drain to the bathtub is rusted out, and hes going to have to put a new tub in. Well.. thats what Allen told him a week ago dang it. =-\ I'm super irritated at this point. I woke up this morning with a giant headache and possibly a sinus infection. SO STUPID! I'm running tomorrow dang it. regardless. 

I wonder if I'm going to get a number to wear. lol All I know, is I'm going to eat a turkey leg and a funnel cake before the day is over. THAT is a Promise. Bout to text LeaAnne and figure out where we're meeting and junk! I'll post again tomorrow if I haven't died. 

4 Days and Counting!

So.. I have 4 days till my 5k and I'm pretty excited. I think. Maybe I'm mostly excited and partly scared... Maybe mostly scared and partly excited... I'm not sure. I just hope that I can eat the funnel cake Lea Anne is going to buy me after we're done running. lol I'll take it home. :-D But I will NOT be sharing with my kids. It's mine. MINE! 

Thats a picture of me, and my son Jacob, at his 4 year birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. I don't know what I weighed at this point, but it was in July of 2009. I might have been around 4 months preggo with Hailey but still... under all that fat, you wouldn't be able to tell anyways! 

I can NOT believe I let myself get that huge. Food is a horrible horrible thing. Actually I'm lying... Food is delicious. :( Ok, I have to stop thinking about food. lol it's making me hungry. 

So I weighed and measured the other day. I don't remember exactly which day, but my BMI is now under 30. I set that goal a while back and kinda forgot about it until the other day. lol Scoooorrrreeeeee. 

OH! I'm already going to have to get my wedding ring RESIZED. I just got this thing in October! I want to take it and have it sized again, but I don't want to be without the damn thing for 2 weeks. lol I should take it off next time I weigh in, it's probably throwing off the scale. HA! 

BAM! listen to her! she's damn smart. (also.. listen around 4:08) 

Go Get It! :D

10 Days!!! WHAT?!

I'm freaking out. I'm running a 5k in like 10 days. I'm not ready at all. lol I sure don't feel ready that's for sure. My goal is to just finish it without passing out. I got some new shoes today though, so hopefully that's going to help.... lol nah.. I just gotta run on the treadmill everyday from now till the day of the race! Here are my new kicks...

They're soooo comfortable on my feets while running.. MUCH better than the FILAS I was running in. So far anyways. After income tax comes in, which should be a few weeks into Feb.. I'll be gettin me some Asics! I've got my eye on some already.. They cost a slight fortune though. Man It'll be worth it though. I do know I need to get a new purse.. I'm thinking of the Coach or Dooney variety. Especially after my weigh in tomorrow. I THINK it'll be a good one, but I'm not going to get my hopes up yet. As long as I don't GAIN weight, I'll be ok. 

My coach, and friend Lea Anne is doing a weight loss type vlog on YouTube.. I'll post a video of hers on here so you guys can see how awesome she is. I wish she'd make longer ones though! Lord knows she can talk about stuff longer than 3 minutes....

Oh.. so today I ate Burger King for the 1st time in a while... I ate a chicken sandwich w/no mayo. Didn't eat any french fries or anything, I drank water instead of soda or tea.. and holy crap. I felt bloated and gross for like 3 hours. I know fa sho I'll not be eating there or any other fast food place any time soon. I haven't been keeping myself from foods or anything other than fast foods that are super greasy. But this was just too much. I couldn't wait to go run it off. Thats for sure. 

I'll scan my paper from my weigh in tomorrow if I remember/have time.. I'm damn excited. 

OH on a GREAT and EXCITING note, Hailey is almost potty trained! She is in diapers for bed time and nap time and thats basically it! woot woot! 

New Year,... New Motivation!

It's been way too long. I've pulled my laptop out of the corner and brushed the dust off of it. I can't wait to get a new one this tax season. I had to update anyone who reads this and let them know I'm not giving up! I was a little discouraged a few months ago.. I even went from October till January without really working out much. I stuck to my portions and tried not to go overboard with Holiday goodness. My metabolism saved my progress. Somehow when I went to Curves Jan 3rd I had lost some inches and 2 pounds! 2 Pounds in 3 months is NOT awesome by any means, but considering I LOST weight during the holidays and didn't pack it on, I'm proud damn it.

So, here I am, a year after my journey began, and I'm so close to my goal I can taste it. 125 pounds will be here before I know it. I hope! February 9th at 11am I'll be running a Funnel Cake 5k with my awesome trainer from Curves, Lea Anne. I'm scared. No lie. lol I've been on the treadmill the past 2 days getting ready for it. and I'm dying at 1 mile. I just want to finish it. I don't want to be in LAST place... but yeah, I totally might be. lol I'm excited to try though. 

I'm down to 140 lbs. Thats back to what I was at right after I had my first kid almost 8 years ago. This month's weight loss is going to be a big one, I was at 151 lbs Jan 3rd. My Wii fit says I'm 140 lbs now. I still have a few weeks before I weigh in again too. I've been drinking nothing but water during the day, except with supper. I have a glass of sweet tea because I feel like I have to. 

So, since I last updated, Allen and I have gotten married, finally, and went on our honeymoon to Port Aransas. We were up with the sun on the beach every morning and sometimes early enough to see some stars disappear as the sun was coming up. We had a freaking blast. 

This is us on the Lexington after we ate lunch. I had an AMAZING chicken salad sammach. 

This is a pic of the sunrise I took. It's crazy how many people were out taking pics.

We got to go to the Aquarium and see some cool shows. I even got to pet a Sting ray. 

This was a view from our room. 

We had an amazing time and can't wait to go back. Hopefully for our 1 year anniversary we can go back and I'll be at my goal weight. I'm super excited about how far I've come already. Not much more weight to lose, now if this stupid C-section scar would cooperate and let my belly flatten up, I'd be thrilled! I'm not sure how much its going to tighten up considering I've had 3 C-sections but I suppose we'll see. I'm not opposed to getting a little tuckage though. lol Only AFTER I've lost the weight I need to though. 

Well... hopefully within the next few months I'll have a new laptop and be able to update more. For the 3 people that read this. LOL :) Time to go potty train my 3 year old some more. Or try anyways. 

Measurement day! First and Last.

I was weighed and measured yesterday. I'm not SUPER disappointed, because I know that it could have been worse and wasn't completely my fault. I weigh the same as I did last month. 156. My inches are still going down, which is GREAT and I lost like a pound of body fat so I think I'm carrying a lot of water weight. Now that I'm able to work out again, I'm going to do it! lol I need to get back into the frame of mind that got me to 156... 126 here I come! 

I need to focus again on my portion control., I've gotten lax with it because I felt like "this is what I usually eat, I don't have to measure." Bullshit. My eyes are bigger than my stomach, and I'm going to start using my dang measuring cups again. With Allen off on weekends now, we order out more too. So, I'm going to either STOP that altogether, or let him get what he wants and I'll get subway. I have been making my own samaches at home recently., Wheat bread, toasted, with provolone cheese (reduced fat), chicken breast on the bread as its toasting, add lettuce, tomato and a tea spoon of miracle whip. Saves money and is just as good. LOL :) 

I'm going to have a bad ass breakfast tomorrow for me and the kids. Eggs, Turkey Bacon, Oatmeal and toast and jelly. (toast and jelly is for kids.) and TONS of water! Excited already. :) 

So, I'm getting kinda stressed about the upcoming weeks. My birthday is in a few days, Allen will be going to NM within the next week, we're getting married 10/11/12, so we have to buy our marriage license. SOON. Side note, those things are freaking expensive! in Texas its $75.00! Killin me. Anyways., then we're going on our honeymoon, which will be AWESOME. No idea where we're going yet, but I know it'll be 3 FULL nights without the kids, and we're going to drink. I'm pretty sure I can get Allen to bring our xbox too so we can play Halo. LOL lame. We're not exactly rollin in the dough though. OH and my moms moving to a house about 25-30 mins away! I don't think I ask her much to watch the kids now, but I'll never get a break with her being that far away. LOL I need a daycare that will watch them for like 2 hours a day, and not charge 400$. 

Thats nuts. N.U.T.S. 

Gunna get ready to go to Curves, I've felt SUPER lazy today. Gotta go change that. 

I need this! 

Holy Crap... What happened?!

I haven't really worked out in 3 days. Not Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday! I feel super guilty.. I haven't really been bad on my diet though. I've eaten healthy sammaches at Subway, and my tilapia with rice. It still worries me when I don't work out for a few days. I've worked super hard to get this crap off, and I'll be damned if I let a little pain make it come back. 

We got a rescue kitty today. His name is Skeeter. He's GOT to be the smallest 11wk old kitty I've ever seen. 

I've never really posted a before picture of me on here.. and I should. I just hardly have any. I never really took pictures when I was 193lbs. I was the one TAKING the pics. Lets see what I can find. 

This is one from December of 2011. It's really hard for me to look at it. My house is a mess, and I'm... I'm huge. O_o

 This... is like July of 2011... I honestly didn't even know I had this on my computer until just now. I'm appalled at how big I had let myself get. We had just left a Chinese buffet in Seguin Tx. *Places I do not go anymore*

This is JUNE 1ST 2012. I started this weight loss Journey January 23rd 2012. I'll post another pic of me more recently soon.. I just gotta get an area of the house clean. LOL :) 

Its freaking 12:30 and my almost 27 year old going on 60 year old body wants to go to bed. Hopefully this dang kitty doesn't do anything too annoying tonight. Hes already proven to have VERY good lungs. O_O

........................Punching Kittys is BAD. 

ps.. going on a bike ride tomorrow, AND running a mile. Maybe not a 14 min mile, but, a mile. :D

Couldn't Run Through the Pain....

Today, I had some HORRIBLE lower back pain. I just KNOW because of the freaking hormone therapy I was on for 2 months. I gave that shit up after the horrible nightmares I was having and the mood swings and hot flashes. No thanks.. I'll have to self medicate this pain until Allen and I tie the knot 10/11/12. Then I'll finally be on his insurance and I'll be able to get looked at for real. Instead of the "well we don't want to do anything because you're not on insurance" BS I got last time I went to the Dr. I'm pretty sure my ovaries HATE me and my uterus must too. No worries. These cysts and other crap will be taken care of soon enough. 

I wanted to run today. But I've been sidelined due to pain. I've taken 2 Tylenol, 2 Pamprin and a damn Valium and the only thing it helped was... nothing. It just made me lethargic. ugh. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully the pain will have subsided by then and I can get back into the garage on my treadmill running my heart out. 

I'm not going to lie... my thighs are thankful for the break. haha

ALSO... tomorrow, SHOULD be my weigh in day. Lea Anne will be going out of town tomorrow, so she won't to the measurements, SHE did hers yesterday and she murdered our goal of the double digit weight loss by losing 11 POUNDS in a month! Beast mode! THAT is why she's an awesome trainer. Not only does she know what it takes to lose weight, shes been there, and STILL doing it. She knows all the struggles and disappointments that come with it too. Thank GOD I have her help with food and nutritional info. 

I joined a group on facebook today called Stacy's Healthy Friends... (http://www.facebook.com/groups/275392782562282/)Hopefully someone reads my blog on there and I can inspire someone as much as I've been inspired by others. I know I'm not perfect, but I do know a little bit.. Learning from the best! :D ... Still, the BEST advice I've ever gotten, DRINK TONS OF WATER. lol 

Forrest Gump... I'm not him.

Yesterday I shaved a minute off my 17 minute mile... today I shaved 2 more off. That's right, 14 minutes and I ran a mile. I don't think it's going to get any better than that. LOL not soon anyways. Thats OK though, I'm good with a 14 minute mile. Even if today is the only day I do it that fast. lol If I'm going to run this 1/2 marathon in March, I need to work more on endurance than speed anyways. I just need to be able to get through 13 miles! 

I don't know how Forrest Gump ran the way he did. lol My poor legs want to just die. I think a lot of it is because I'm running in the damn garage too. Its flipping hot out there man. I have a good fan blowing on me, with my water on the treadmill, but dang. It's hot! I'm thinking that when it cools down a little, and stops raining so much, I'll take that treadmill outside on the back patio and plug it in out there. At least then I'll be outside, getting some sun and out of the dang garage. 

I've had some trouble with my motivation this past week... I'll tell ya, that Papa John's knows what they're doing when it comes to making bread sticks. That's my weakness. For some people, it's chocolate, sodas, pasta, cookies, sweets, whatever... for me.. BREAD. Garlic bread, bread sticks, pizza crust... omg it's so freaking good. :( I KNOW they have to be like a million calories and TONS of carbs... I'm going to google it right now......

OK, so not as bad as I thought, but still.. not GREAT! 

Serving size is 2 sticks. There are 340 calories per serving and 10g of fat. Not to mention 720mg of SODIUM... yikes. However, still not as bad as I figured. so, I don't feel AS bad anymore. Still, I need to reign in my diet a little. I've fallen away from it due to stress and I need to get back into the swing of things. I have been eating breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner... and I NEVER eat after 8pm anymore. I haven't done that in a while though... I weigh in soon at Curves and I'm afraid I didn't hit my double digit weight loss this month. I've tried but not as hard as I could have. BUT....

I'm fully committed to getting this last 30lbs or so off... I know it's going to be hard, and I need to stop making excuses. I cheat on my diet so duh, I'm not going to get the weight loss I want. But I justify the cheating by saying "oh I'll run it off tomorrow..." or "I'll work out a little more today" I'm never going to get anywhere if I keep up with this crap. Now I'm angry at myself. It's on like donkey kong. The gloves are off, No more cheating, and I'm back to counting calories religiously. If I want this weight off, I have to work it off. dang it. 

I'm reading a book right now called the Harbinger. It's a pretty good book so far. Its basically about how events from today are exactly like what happened to Ancient Israel 2000 years ago. I have an issue though.. The author says that God has lifted his veil of protection from America because we're falling away from Him., And that now, because the veil is lifted, our enemies can breach our defenses and hurt us. The Author says 9/11 is when this happened. Nuh uhh... what about Pearl Harbor? That was a direct and very deliberate attack on US soil that claimed many lives. Not to mention the world trade centers have been bombed before. Maybe I'm missing something when it comes to how the book perceives the 9/11 attacks... Maybe the ancient vow of judgement is only in regards to the Continental US. ?? IDK...  Once I get past that in my brain though, Its a good book. A lot of what the Author says makes sense. And it's VERY eerie.

In part of the book, it says how after 9/11 it seemed that things had changed.. People were going to church again, Praying for people again... Like they had all heard a quiet voice calling them to come back towards God.. Then the shock wore off, and all America wants to do is get bigger, better, stronger than before. The book is basically saying that by rebuilding, the way we're rebuilding, is like defying the calling of God. So God's going to keep trying to wake America up by letting their enemies penetrate and harm us. 

OH and the bible talks about Zombies... just fyi... 

Isaiah 9:19 "The land will be blackened by the fury of the Lord of Heaven's Armies. The people will be fuel for the fire, and no one will spare even his own brother. 20:They will attack their neighbor on the right, but will still be hungry. They will devour their neighbor on the left but will not be satisfied. In the end they will even eat their own children."

creepy! 

Running! The 17min mile.

I don't know whats going on with me today... I've been in a "mood" all day long. All WEEK long... I'm sure it's going to come out in this blog and sorry for that but like I said at the beginning of this, this is MY BLOG, this is where I vent... and I do that best in front of a keyboard. so... Here goes.

I ran a mile today. 17 minutes and I ran a mile. I'm going to start training for a half marathon that takes place next March. Lea Anne was telling me about it... Something Desert something. It will be a 13 mile run. At the pace I'm going now, I'd be running for like 3 hours. LOL I don't see that happening right now. I'll work up to it though. No worries. 

I've been really stressed out the past few weeks. I don't know if I'm going to make my double digit weight loss this month or not. I haven't weighed myself in forever, and I know my diet hasn't been the best. I have to stop making excuses and just do it. Like everything else in my life right now. My weight loss, my saving up for a honeymoon, my saving up for a house, paying off this piece of SHIT jeep... I just have to do it. 

The saying goes, Money doesn't buy happiness... but it sure would make being happy a LOT fucking easier right now. Ran the jeep through Kelly Blue Book last night, it's WORTH $5200 in excellent condition. We OWE $11,300 on that stupid ass piece of junk. Just typing it, make me want to throw up. If we were to trade it in, they'd give us like $4200. That is just one of my issues I'm trying to deal with. We're currently renting a 3 bedroom house for $900... We're a family of 5. We had already outgrown this house the day we moved into it. But it's the only thing that was available and in a good neighborhood. 

My credit is FUCKED thanks to being young, and completely stupid, and marrying someone I had a kid with instead of marrying someone I was in love with. What I thought was love, was just my need to put a label on what was going on in my life at the moment. I had a 6 month old baby boy, and a "baby daddy". I didn't want to have a "baby daddy." Looking back, I'm not sure if I ever even LOVED Fern.. He was my high school sweet heart, we moved in together 3 months after graduation and the story goes downhill from there. The best thing I got from him was Jacob. 

This was when Jacob was just a little older than Hailey. 

NOW, my ex-husband's dumb ass doesn't pay his shit, so anything we had joint, or that he put my name on is also on my credit. Like his lasik surgery... $3000 is listed as a damn charge off just because I cosigned for him to be able to better himself and fix his sight, we divorced shortly after that and he stopped paying it. Now I'm paying for it in the worst way. I never thought I'd be a 26, almost 27 year old mom of 3, and not own my own home yet. THAT, is killing me. I've been saving for our honeymoon for about 4 months now, and I've got $190 saved. It's going to take me YEARS to save up to buy a house. Unless we hit the lottery, which I don't see happening. We'll probably have to put down at least 10% when we get a house, and that's going to be fucking impossible.... 

Damn... Told you I was in a mood. I can't even stand myself when I'm in this kind of mood. I guess I just get ran down thinking about everything we don't have but that we want, or need. We NEED to pay off this Jeep, we NEED a bigger house,.

It's like, We have so much that we need to save up for but its fucking impossible to save up for anything when you have 3 kids.

playing the worlds smallest violin. ugh

This is why you're supposed to meet the person of your dreams, get married, buy the car, the house, and THEN have the kids... Doing everything backwards just makes everything so hard. I didn't intend on doing it backwards, thats just how it happened. Thank GOD we don't have money issues or that would be the straw that broke the camels back and I'd go eat my OLD weight in greasy junk food. I thank GOD everyday that Allen got this job. I was reading my older blogs from before he had this job and man, we were barely scraping by. Now we have the money we need to pay our bills, but with 3 kids, constantly fixing something on the jeep, buying diapers, new clothes because they're outgrowing the old ones, and everything else we have to keep up with saving money is a joke. 

OK, I'm done with the pity party...Now that I've had a chance to vent, maybe my head will be more clear, and I'll be able to focus on shit better.

 Tomorrow is going to be a better day damn it. I'm making Fish for supper tonight, with rice and green beans or something IDFK. something healthy and yummy.

We're winning the lotto tonight. damn it.

I need to listen to this song more....

Sunday Funday!

Today has been a good day so far! Allen has been busting out the side work for our honeymoon savings, AND my diet is going good today. I had 2 eggs for breakfast with some chocolate milk (fat free) and a few bites of the kid's Strawberry mini-wheats...lol Lots of water too! Oh, and I just found out Allen is on his way home with our Landlords truck to do some MORE side work for some MORE money! or... maybe some $$$ off of rent! LOL Whatever man, that will help too, or maybe hes going to come fix these leaky windows... or the roof... or possibly the hot water heater. LOL whatever. 

I got a yoga mat yesterday, which means that I can give Lea Anne HER'S back. lol  I also need to buy a wii Active game too, because I have that of hers too. I hate that game though. I'll be spending money on something that is almost like torture. Jump squats, high knees, running, its not something that you really want to do when you're thinking "hey.. I'm going to play some wii..." but, it works! 

I updated the face of my blog today as well... For all of you like 3 people that read this. My mom, Aunty and the random person thats scanning though blogger. haha! The previous layout I had was pissing me off. This one is pretty. 

This next story has the word Fuck a lot. so don't read it if you don't like it.

OMG so I was driving today on a 5 lane road that we have here in Angelo, its a major road here... and there is a center lane for turning ONLY... Some fucking jackwad on the left side of the road, wanted to turn left so they pulled into the turning lane and started driving there till cars passed so they could get all the way over onto the other side of the road. Well, I happen to have my blinker on, turning into the place they were turning out of, and my Jeep almost had a come to Jesus meeting with their stupid ass Nissan. I should have fucking rammed that piece of shit jeep right into the side of that stupid ass Xterra. I fucking hate that jeep anyways. They're luuuucky I had the kids in the car... So. I honked and my windows were down due to lack of ac, and their windows were down so i yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!?!?" .... and then I remembered my kids were in the car. LOL dang it. Road rage being handed down. lol 

Stronger, Thinner, Happier!

Kelly Clarkson is right. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm sure she never intended this song to be a work out anthem, but it works GREAT when your on your last 2 minutes of a 20 min run. 

I know... 20 minutes doesn't seem like a long run.. but I'm going to start off slow.. and work up to hours! 

I decided last night that I was going to get a treadmill. I want to run. I want to run a 5k. Then, I want to run a 10k. I would LOVE to run a marathon! I'm going to run a marathon! 

This morning, I got a treadmill off of Facebook for 50$. There is a site here in my town that is kinda like Craigslist, but on Facebook. I put an update just saying 'hey... searching for a treadmill.. hit me up.' and about an hour later, bam! I've got a treadmill. :) I'm very excited. This is a new day.

I haven't been this motivated about losing weight or doing something in a very long time. It feels really good. I'm also going to bust out my damn blender and start making protein shakes. Lea Anne thinks that I probably need to up my protein intake and I can TOTALLY see that being true. lol Thank GOD I have her to help me, otherwise I feel like I would have failed a long long time ago. People keep telling me that I need to take credit for my weight loss alone, but I haven't done it alone. If it wasn't for her keeping me in line sometimes and pushing me to reach goals, I'd be 20lbs heavier. If it wasn't for Allen making sure I'm sticking to my portions, I wouldn't be as far along as I am today either. I'm very lucky to have people in my life that care about my weight loss and understand how important it is to me. <3 Eternally Grateful. 

Lea Anne liked a pic the other day on Facebook that led me to a blog of a really inspirational story. One that I hope to come close to! Its www.chasefear.com This girl is AMAZING. I'm very excited to start doing all of this. I hope that within the next few months I'm able to run with Lea Anne... that bitch runs for like, hours though. LOL we'll see. I might die on the first time out. O_o 

Here's to Chunking Deuces to inches!!! I've lost like 37 or something to date! woot woot! I still am trying for my double digit weight loss this month. I have till the 20th to get this done. I'm hoping now that I have this treadmill its going to be a smidgen easier. ALSO, tomorrow I'm going to go on a bike ride.. I'm contemplating going to the KOA, which is full of hills n shit, but its also by the lake so it'd be pretty. The hills are scary though. I'm not going to lie at all. I'm seriously scared to go on a bike ride at the KOA. lol It might just be a bike ride around the neighborhood. :) 

You can tell how excited I am about this treadmill because this blog is ALL about my weight loss! I'm done with it for now... I can smell my laptop. Not like, because its hot.. but because its freaking smoking, and I don't want it to explode on my lap! 

I'm going to be biking tomorrow and Monday morning.. maybe Tuesday morning too.. I'll probably update my blog again around those days... unless something amazing happens. 

Just Some Junk.

According to my Wii Fit board, I've lost another 1.2 lbs. SO, IF that thing is correct, I have 5 pounds to lose in the next 17 days. I've got to stop letting myself cheat here and there. I need to cut back on my carbs. :( That is going to be soooo hard. I love carbs soooo much. This is not going to be a blog about my weight loss by the way.. just in case you were wondering. lol 

Allen and I bought a love seat and sofa this past weekend and its AWESOME. Its got 4 recliners and two of them rock... Literally rock. Also, we have cup holders now! As awesome as they are though, they're bringing me TONS of stress. I am pretty sure I need to talk to a therapist or something about this buyers remorse I have. 

Buyer's remorse is the sense of regret after having made a purchase. It is frequently associated with the purchase of an expensive item such as a car or house. It may stem from fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller.^[1]

Yep... Thats me. Anytime we spend money on stuff we don't NEED I feel super guilty. Pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday I was freaking out about it. I just keep thinking, we could have bought the kids lots of new clothes, or could have gotten Jacob a bike, or new clothes for Allen and I, or attempted to fix the AC in the jeep.... again.. All the coulda woulda shouldas kill me. I'm a mess. 

So, I've gotten Allen to start taking CoQ10 for his issues hes having. He's been taking it for 3 days, and already his hands aren't swollen like they were and he can grasp things without it hurting him. I had no idea it would help his hands! Just an added bonus. :) 

The Big Fork.

 I feel like I'm at that stupid fork in the road where I'm either going to buckle down and make this weight loss my bitch, or I'm going to LET myself get lazy and I'm going to start yoyoing. I'm totally ignoring my 'I'm full so stop fucking eating' sensor during dinner, and I'm not drinking the water I should be. It's not that I don't want to lose anymore weight, I want to be able to say 'I've lost 50lbs!' I would be a solid 142 and maybe around a size 12ish. 

I got on the wii fit the other day, and it's been a few weeks since I was last on.. Anyways, I expected a movement in my weight. I figured it would have gone up since the last time because I'd been over eating here and there and not on my game with working out 100%. It was the same. No upwards movements, no downwards movements. That's almost worse than going up a little. lol I HATE not feeling like I'm making any progress. 

We're eating Baked French's Onion Chicken tonight with corn and probably mac n cheese. I'm considering eating a small salad with it so I don't over eat the stupid Mac N cheese. It's so good though. :-\ UGH. 

mmmmmm cheese.......

I can do it! I'm going to use my awesome measuring cup again, and NOT pile that shit on my plate. I'll make the plates tonight too, and I'll give the babies and Jacob more than usual, so there's not as much left over when I serve myself. If I'm going to do that, I might as well just put spoonfuls on the floor. Since that's where its going to end up anyways. Dang Children. 

Speaking of Children... I've watched Tangled about 9 times in the past few days. Hailey LOVES that movie. It really grows on you though. Its one of the few Disney Pixar movies that doesn't have adult innuendos sprinkled throughout the film. I like just regular ole kid friendly movies. It doesn't have to be slightly dirty like Ice Age or Shrek lol (Those are good ones too though!) 

I don't think I'll be going to Curves today. I really need an hourly daycare drop in center here! I miss the one in Austin SOOOOO much! 

Today is the DAY!

I worked out a fair amount yesterday.. Thank goodness because I don't know if I'll be able to make it to Curves. But, I feel like I ate really good yesterday. Lots of water and healthy crap. I feel like I ate pretty much all day yesterday too thanks to the snacks (carrots and grapes) I had. Today I'm not sure how great I'll be. So far, I've had some mini wheats cereal and a glass of chocolate milk. lol I'll be running around a lot today so I'll try to pack snacks. 

I've got Jacob's Meet the Teacher today at 12. SO excited that he'll be going into the 2nd grade! That means in just 3 short years, Hailey and Ethan will be starting school too. Yikes. I don't want to think about all those school supplies, school clothes, all the money on lunches and crap omg we're going to be broke. lol 

So, We've been turned down for a house because our credit scores aren't where they're supposed to be. I kinda figured that would happen.. I'm ok about it though, now we're going to get to go on our HONEYMOON in OCTOBER to the BEACH. Provided there is no hurricane during that time. lol 

I have court today to finally get divorced from my first kids' dad. LOL isn't that some backwoods sounding shit? I'm legally still married, but have 2 kids by another guy I'm already engaged to. Sounds horrible on paper. LOL Divorces are expensive though guys! I tried to do it on my own twice, and the first time the judge yelled at me for how I was dressed and told me to try again. I was in slacks and a dressy blouse thing, but BUT I made the mistake of wearing a hoodie INSIDE the court room. I had it off by the time my cause number was called, but he was still holding a grudge. It was like March in Austin... kinda chilly man!

 Anyways my 3rd attempt is today at 2. I have to meet my lawyer at his office at 1:30, so that gives me limited time to spend with Jacob at his Meet The Teacher thing. I hope we can at least find out where his classroom is, his seat, and where to drop off and pick up. The school he's going to, is getting a face lift and there is construction EVERYWHERE. It's a giant clusterfuck over there in the mornings and afternoons. I'm not looking forward to that shit at all. ugh. 

The weather is supposed to be perfect and rainy all day today. I hate that I have to get out in it and try to look decent. Humidity and my hair have a long time feud going on. Hopefully I don't look like a lion by the time I have to be in court. HA! 

My weigh in!

I was weighed and measured again yesterday. I'm still losing, so I'm not really freaking out yet, but I only lost 4 pounds last month. I GAINED half an inch in my arms which is bad ass considering its muscle growth from all my lifting. haha

This is the little print out that I get when I get weighed and measured, I loooove looking at the downward slope! :D 

The red lined graph is INCHES!

Might be kinda fuzzy, but whatever, I already know what it says. lol

I got a good talk in with my friend/coach Lea Anne at Curves too. This past month I've slacked off super bad. It's really helpful when someone on the outside sees that too, and calls me out. LOL I've reached my goal of 30lbs lost now, I've got to reset the goals in my head, and relight the fire that was there when I started losing the weight. This month I have a big goal of a double digit weight loss. I haven't done that since March-April! Hopefully I don't let myself down and come up short. I'm going to push myself super hard this month. I'm going to be putting my fitness FIRST, every day. No matter how late I have to go to Curves, I'm going to try to go every day. 

By this time next year I hope to be a healthy 130ish pounds and toned. That doesn't seem all that unattainable. The toning part is going a lot slower than I thought it would. I'm constantly lifting weights and crap and I'm just now able to see it in my arms. I know I still have some fat to lose so I'm not super trippin. 

I'm super lucky to have people in my life that are encouraging me. I probably would have given up a while back. lol There is no getting fat again after I reach my goal though. I can't. My engagement ring is a size smaller, and in order to keep wearing it, I have to stay the size I am now, or smaller. lol That's not exactly something I can just go get re-sized whenever I want. 

Speaking of my engagement ring,.. Allen and I have set a date FO SHO of 10/11/12. :) Depending on if we get qualified for a house we're looking at or not, we're going to be going to Port A for our honey moon. There is a motel RIGHT on the ocean for 80$ a night. It's got a full kitchen, dining room and bedroom off on the side and a full living room.. It'll be perfect! IF we get qualified for this house, we're using that money to put as a down payment on it. I'll keep you slightly updated on that situation.. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, I've already stressed about it to the point where I have a freaking fever blister. ugh.

That freaking house is perfect though. 4 bedrooms 2 bathrooms, all updated, it even has a swing set and jungle gym in the back yard already. <3 perfect. Just another situation to let go and let God. 

This is still true. I was reminded again yesterday. 

41.5 FOREVER.

What is 41.5? Whats that have to do with anything? 

THAT is the size of my abdomen, in inches. That's what it was 7/20 and that's what it STILL is right now. I'm getting SUPER annoyed with it. I'm getting angry with myself for not being more on top of things. I'm starting to 'cheat' a little more than usual.. but maybe that's because I'm more stressed? IDK but it's over today. I had fruit for breakfast with some cheese, and a water, now I'm having a small bean and cheese burrito thing from smart ones, and probably Spaghetti later. No worries there, I have my food scale that I fully tend on using from today on, and my   measuring cup. I will not be having any cheese with this meal. LOL 

Unless you're my mom and you're chewing gum, then it's super hard. LOL ;)

I need someone walking behind me constantly telling me to drink some damn water. I don't drink anything all day it seems. Then for supper it's usually tea, unless Allen gets a wild hair up his ass to make me drink water. This past weekend, I've drank only water and I feel a lot better than I did last week. Lets see if I can keep it up...Maybe I can get this stupid 41.5 to shrink. It's weird! Last week my wii fit said I'd lost 5.5 pounds. From where? Not there. Not my ass. ugh. 

That number is haunting me. 

So, today is another day, (It's Tuesday morning.) I started this blog yesterday. That's usually what I do though, I'll start a blog and get distracted by a mess or a kid making a mess and forget. Anyways... last night I was telling my local cable provider, SUDDENLINK to set up a disconnect date for Thursday and then suddenly my cable doesn't work. Looks like I'll be out of excuses to play with the kids till Wednesday afternoon when Dish Network will be here.

aaaaand now it's lunch time Tuesday afternoon. lol I'm having cantaloupe. <3. Well, I'm having half of one anyways. I don't know if I'll have time for Curves today since Allen has to go to the store after work again today. There is always something stupid we forget and have to go back for the next day. This time though, we've had to make like 8 trips because there's something small we missed the day before... Toilet paper, shaving cream, dish soap... all the things you should NEVER forget ever. Stupid crap.

I guess I'll go ahead and end the blog here.. The kids are napping, I have no cable, except the channels that the Olympics are on. Which, aren't all that bad this year. I actually enjoyed the diving and stuff. I'll go and eat my cantaloupe alone on the couch in the dark till the kids wake up. :D I'm lying, I'm going to listen to Michael Jackson and probably lift weights. lol 

Oh, and a side note, I got on my wii fit this morning, and I've gained 2.5lbs since last week... NO WONDER the 41.5 is still hanging around. Its because I LET it. UGH 

5 pound surprise.

I got an amazing little surprise yesterday. I jumped on the Wii Fit to play some games for the kids, and did my little weight assessment thing. I got weighed and measured July 20th, and as of yesterday, I had gone down another 5.5 lbs. I haven't measured myself in a few days, so I don't know if I'm losing inches.

Anyways, I started feeling really fat a few days ago so I figured I had gained a little weight or something. To my surprise I didn't! I was really scared that the hormone therapy I'm taking was going to cause me to gain weight. They haven't yet.

I went to my "Female Dr." a month or so ago, and had an exam done because I've been in some excruciating pain. Like, bent over in tears not being able to move kinda pain. I have no insurance, so she wouldn't do anything more than really talk to me. She had 4 months of free samples of Lo Loestrin Fe and some other hormone I'm taking and I have to say, not too thrilled with it so far. Its supposed to get everything under control, and manage my pain... it doesn't. EVER. I've only been on it for one cycle of pills... so I'm hoping this set of pills will be different. If they don't work, AFTER I get on Allen's insurance, I have to have a uterine biopsy, where they'll probably have to do some kind of Abdominal Ablation... and if THAT doesn't work, she said a hysterectomy will be next depending on what the uterine biopsy says.. She said I'm pretty young to get any kind of cancer, but its not impossible, and with the amount of pain I have there are a few other things it could be.

I've decided that I've got some serious goals to set. I have gone this whole time losing weight, with one ultimate goal... My goal weight for myself is 135ish... nothing more than 135. I'm at 153 right now. I STARTED at 192. (which is still CRAZY to me.) I told Allen, that if the world doesn't end 12/21/12 then my new years resolution will be to start really... RUNNING.

I know that next year it'll be easier, I'll have more time to do it and hopefully a little money saved up so I can throw the babies in some kind of Mommy's day out bull crap or something so I don't go INSANE.

That's a giant excuse. I'm scared to start right now. I don't think I'll be good at it right now... my ankles are super weak and my right one actually still hurts when I turn or pivot a certain way from like, 4 months ago when I rolled it. I feel like this is another excuse too... I am just scared of running. LOL 

Hopefully that'll be me someday. :)