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Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Running! The 17min mile.

I don't know whats going on with me today... I've been in a "mood" all day long. All WEEK long... I'm sure it's going to come out in this blog and sorry for that but like I said at the beginning of this, this is MY BLOG, this is where I vent... and I do that best in front of a keyboard. so... Here goes.

I ran a mile today. 17 minutes and I ran a mile. I'm going to start training for a half marathon that takes place next March. Lea Anne was telling me about it... Something Desert something. It will be a 13 mile run. At the pace I'm going now, I'd be running for like 3 hours. LOL I don't see that happening right now. I'll work up to it though. No worries. 
I've been really stressed out the past few weeks. I don't know if I'm going to make my double digit weight loss this month or not. I haven't weighed myself in forever, and I know my diet hasn't been the best. I have to stop making excuses and just do it. Like everything else in my life right now. My weight loss, my saving up for a honeymoon, my saving up for a house, paying off this piece of SHIT jeep... I just have to do it. 

The saying goes, Money doesn't buy happiness... but it sure would make being happy a LOT fucking easier right now. Ran the jeep through Kelly Blue Book last night, it's WORTH $5200 in excellent condition. We OWE $11,300 on that stupid ass piece of junk. Just typing it, make me want to throw up. If we were to trade it in, they'd give us like $4200. That is just one of my issues I'm trying to deal with. We're currently renting a 3 bedroom house for $900... We're a family of 5. We had already outgrown this house the day we moved into it. But it's the only thing that was available and in a good neighborhood. 

My credit is FUCKED thanks to being young, and completely stupid, and marrying someone I had a kid with instead of marrying someone I was in love with. What I thought was love, was just my need to put a label on what was going on in my life at the moment. I had a 6 month old baby boy, and a "baby daddy". I didn't want to have a "baby daddy." Looking back, I'm not sure if I ever even LOVED Fern.. He was my high school sweet heart, we moved in together 3 months after graduation and the story goes downhill from there. The best thing I got from him was Jacob. 
This was when Jacob was just a little older than Hailey. 

NOW, my ex-husband's dumb ass doesn't pay his shit, so anything we had joint, or that he put my name on is also on my credit. Like his lasik surgery... $3000 is listed as a damn charge off just because I cosigned for him to be able to better himself and fix his sight, we divorced shortly after that and he stopped paying it. Now I'm paying for it in the worst way. I never thought I'd be a 26, almost 27 year old mom of 3, and not own my own home yet. THAT, is killing me. I've been saving for our honeymoon for about 4 months now, and I've got $190 saved. It's going to take me YEARS to save up to buy a house. Unless we hit the lottery, which I don't see happening. We'll probably have to put down at least 10% when we get a house, and that's going to be fucking impossible.... 

Damn... Told you I was in a mood. I can't even stand myself when I'm in this kind of mood. I guess I just get ran down thinking about everything we don't have but that we want, or need. We NEED to pay off this Jeep, we NEED a bigger house,.
It's like, We have so much that we need to save up for but its fucking impossible to save up for anything when you have 3 kids.
playing the worlds smallest violin. ugh

This is why you're supposed to meet the person of your dreams, get married, buy the car, the house, and THEN have the kids... Doing everything backwards just makes everything so hard. I didn't intend on doing it backwards, thats just how it happened. Thank GOD we don't have money issues or that would be the straw that broke the camels back and I'd go eat my OLD weight in greasy junk food. I thank GOD everyday that Allen got this job. I was reading my older blogs from before he had this job and man, we were barely scraping by. Now we have the money we need to pay our bills, but with 3 kids, constantly fixing something on the jeep, buying diapers, new clothes because they're outgrowing the old ones, and everything else we have to keep up with saving money is a joke. 

OK, I'm done with the pity party...Now that I've had a chance to vent, maybe my head will be more clear, and I'll be able to focus on shit better.
 Tomorrow is going to be a better day damn it. I'm making Fish for supper tonight, with rice and green beans or something IDFK. something healthy and yummy.

We're winning the lotto tonight. damn it.

I need to listen to this song more....