Amazon is the place to go!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Long Time Coming

It's been a while since I've been able to blog! We moved into a shitty situation, and then were incredibly blessed into a new and much better situation. My weight IS SUFFERING. On top of not having my Curves.. now it's the holidays, and there is food everywhere. I'm in the process of seeing a dr. for some stupid ass crap that has been going on FOR EVER it seems... Maybe now I'll get some answers. I'm not optimistic though. At all. 

Hailey and Jacob are going to school. Hailey is in Pre K now... its so freaking weird to have her in school. No lies, I can't wait till ET man goes next year. LOL I love my kids, but after 5 years of being at home with kids non stop, I'm ready for some adult time. Job time hopefully. LOL More money time! Maybe between now and then we'll win the lotto and I won't have to get a job for my sanity. 

I still have some shitty ass internet... and we're still short on funds, so the next time I might get to really sit down and talk about whats up with my fat will be like, February. BAH! 
WiFi should be free world wide! 

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Stress Stress go Away....

So much stupid bullshit has happened this month.. Like.. I don't even want to get into it, but I neeeeed to. 
So Easter I was talking to my dad's brother and he convinced me to try to make a lunch date with my dad. So I did... I texted my dad and basically TOLD him we needed to have lunch soon because I'm moving. There are things that need to be hashed out so I can feel normal again. I have been having so much crazy anxiety lately.. Like, Full on panic attacks... anxiety attacks.. whatever you want to call them. And ANYTHING can set them off right now.. Too much emotions at my surface or I'm thinking or over thinking too much... I'm not sure but They're accompanied by some AMAZING headaches. 
Anyways... We were supposed to have lunch last Wednesday, but he texted me that morning and said he had to be out of town again for work, so he'd just have to get in contact with me when he was back to reschedule. Again.... Last week. I guess my answer is written between the lines of our conversation... where I had to basically MAKE him make plans with me. 

About these episodes I'm having... they're pretty awesome. I get clammy, start pacing, or getting really fidgety, my breathing gets fast and shallow where I feel like I have to GULP for air... I literally have had to put my head between my knees a few times to keep my head from spinning off. It'll happen at the smallest things right now too... Like, I'm a bomb that's going to implode instead of explode. 

This move is stressing me the FU#* out too. Bad. Bad Bad. Our landlord is cool with us moving, I'm almost positive we'll get our deposit back with no issues... Plus we had to add 800$ onto a loan we have at the bank to extend that bitch out for another year to help with a deposit on a house... IF WE CAN FIND ONE. we've been looking... and everywhere that is available, they don't accept pets. We can't get rid of Skeeter. Period. And the other houses that we like, all already have contracts on them... not to mention the Drive Time issue has royally effed our credit even more than it was when we moved here... 

Allen's job is super pissing me off... Like,.. I feel like this whole stupid transfer was sold to me on a golden platter full of bullshit. "You'll get a raise and a promotion when you transfer" was what I was told.... Reality is completely fucking different and THAT is stressing me out and making me REALLY anxious too... Reality is, Theres just more OPPORTUNITY for a promotion... and the raise, is going to be a normal raise that he would have been getting whether we moved or not.  Not to mention He's gotten written up TWICE there already (one thing couldn't be helped.. and the other was a damn speeding ticket) and one of those write ups lost us a 700$ safety bonus. The other one is costing us 245$ out of pocket PLUS he's getting docked 3 days pay.

I can't even think about that right now.. I feel my chest getting tight and my hands getting clammy... 
It's almost nap time.. so I'll have to update more later.. this has basically been nothing but a bitch fit on paper... minus the paper. 

I'll probably have more to write about later today.. or tomorrow.. who knows. 
Oh.. also... in the past 3 weeks... we've had TWO cats die under our house. 


Friday, March 7, 2014

Bigger and Better...and Stress

I'm not good with change... and boy, are there some changes on our horizon.
Allen got a promotion at work.. So, we'll be moving back down to the South Texas area. I'm SUPER FREAKING EXCITED and SUPER FREAKING STRESSED OUT all wrapped up into one. Why am I stressed you might ask? My husbands got a promotion, that's good! I know that's good. It's freaking sweet. But there are things that come with the promotion that I'm unsure of.
Like moving.
His company is going to pay for us to be relocated. Which is great! But, we have to find a place to live over there on our own.(A rental because our credit still sucks) We'll need a nice chunk of change to get into a house too... The security deposit, the pet deposit because we most definitely can NOT re home Skeeter. He'd be devastated and so would the kids. Then usually with rentals they want the first and or last month's rent. Plus, we're 4 hours away so it's not like we can drive around and look in neighborhoods we want to live in for rental houses. Allen has family in the area, but since I'm not even freaking sure WHEN we're moving,... looking is pointless and really discouraging right now. Discouraging because I'm not sure where to look... I don't want Allen to have to drive 2 hours one way to get to work. It freaks me out.
I can tell whoever is reading this... that I can't wait to leave. If I'm being honest with myself, A MAJOR reason I wanted to move back to my home town was not only because Allen had an awesome job opportunity, but because I foolishly thought that maybe, if we were closer, my dad would start taking more of an interest in my life.. in his grand kid's lives... that hasn't happened though. If anything at all, moving here has somehow made it worse. Like, I see my dad driving around... at the store... and it's like I'm a stranger. We'll make eye contact and that's it. I hate it. I can't wait to get out of here so I don't have to deal with knowing that, although we live in the same city... only about 10 mins away from each other... my Dad STILL doesn't and WON'T make time for me. Not on my birthday... not on Christmas... Not on my kids' birthday's... Moving away from here and the disappointment that comes with having a parent that couldn't give a rats ass about you is going to be AWESOME. I'm so excited. I can't even tell you how excited I am just for this reason. Also... I want to hulk smash things for this reason.
I just looked back at a crap ton of old pictures while I was debating on what, if anything I should upload... and realized... My dad isn't ANYWHERE in them. Not for the birth of Jacob, not Hailey's baby shower, or her birth, and not Ethan's birth.. Or my wedding..
Father of the YEAR.
A few people are worried I'll be miserable in S. Texas... because I've lived in the area before and I was VERY miserable. I hated it last time we were there. We moved into a house that... I'm almost positive should have been condemned at the time. It had been through a flood, and there was still mud and shit in the cabinets. The carpets were NASTY.. and while we were cleaning it, we found several condom wrappers... and other super weird shit. Then we moved from that dump to a house that we lived in basically for free. Thank God. It was a blessing, but it sucked. It was a two bedroom... really just a one bedroom, but we made one of the other living rooms into a bedroom for Jacob... and we made part of the freaking hallway a makeshift nursery for Hailey... and then Ethan when he was born. Lame. It smelled of old nasty smoke and cat piss too... thanks to the previous tenants. The owner of the house was great though, She didn't make us pay rent because THAT'S how bad off we were last time we lived in S. Texas. I was miserable because we had NO money, a shitty place for our kids to call home, and I was freaking pregnant with a surprise baby that NO ONE intended on having.  Yeah... I was totally freaking miserable. Probably had some postpartum depression or something a few months after Et was born too. Being in that situation would kinda cause it. Plus there were other family issues going on that have since been ironed out.
Yes... 4 years ago, I was miserable. Hands down.
I know it'll be different this time. Allen's got an amazing job... his bosses actually care about what he says, and about our family. They know I've had some health issues so they're trying to make it to where Allen is not gone for weeks at a time anymore. Although, with the new position, since he'll be the "new guy"... He'll probably have to work some nights. BUT I'm fine with that. He worked nights for about 3 months when he started this job... and with his new position, hopefully night shift will be C.A.K.E work.
who knows though. haha I guess he'll find out.
Anyways... yeah, Lots of changes, lots of stress... lots of uncertainty... and It's also caused me to get the biggest fucking fever blister on my lip I've ever seen. It's mutant. I'm pissed. I have a wedding to be in, in like 22 days... and this atrocity better be off my face by then.
It's almost time for Orange is the New Black... yessssssssssssssssssssss

Friday, February 28, 2014

What the heck is going on.

I'm so tired of Doc McStuffins... Holy Crap.
Anyways. So, I'm not actively trying to lose weight right now... as stupid as that is. I should have put that in past tense.. but I'm too lazy to go back. This blog is all about moving forward today. Yeah, I've gone a freaking year without losing anything. I've bounced around from 139lbs - 147lbs. I'm not HAPPY about that, but I'm thankful I've been able to keep off the other 45+ lbs. I've noticed lately though, that it seems that my body wants to start losing weight again. I'll make small tiny changes in my eating for like 2 days and lose weight. Where before, I was going hard, and not getting any results. 

I have a wedding to be in at the end of March... so, I guess I should kind of get on it. Here are some excuses I've been giving to myself the past few months. 

1. Allen's schedule has been so crazy lately. By the time he gets home, it's too late for me to go anywhere.
2. I don't have the gas to go all the way across town 3 times a week.
3. My back has been hurting a lot
4. I somehow pulled something in my left food.. and my right foot is STILL injured from when I fell down the stairs chasing the stupid cat. 

I don't know how to get my motivation back! I've been trying to find it for a fucking year. I know I have less to lose now, to be at my goal weight than I did when I started, but it's still hard. 
Really freaking hard. 

Great... Now Sophia the First is on. O_o 

Oh... so Allen got reunited with a long lost friend the other day. It was really cute. He hasn't seen him since 2005 and they were like brothers. Allen's always talked about him, and we've looked for him before.. I've looked for him A LOT. I just had no idea where to even start because Allen didn't have any clue where he would have been. Thank goodness for Facebook. 
We're working on getting him over here asap. I talked to him for about 3 hours yesterday, and it's crazy... I've never met this guy before but I feel like we're going to be GREAT friends. He's hilarious.
I'm excited to get these two together. 

So... I went to the Dr. again Monday to figure out whats going on with me and the pain I'm having.. and she basically told me that because I wasn't coming up off the table during my exam, that it must not be that bad. I was prescribed pain meds (greaaaaaat) and She was supposed to get another dr. to contact me in regards to getting a freaking procedure done.. and here we are on Friday.. with STILL no call about anything. I hate it. That dr. made me feel like I was lying about the pain... Which makes me not even want to go back to anyone. THATS why I HATE going to the dr. I tell you that I'm in TONS of pain EVERY month for DAYS... but because I didn't react horribly in the office, it must not be that bad. Not to mention, she told me all my labs and everything were normal... 
She took those labs in 2012.... What year is this now? 2014?... that's what I thought too... 

Allen got some crazy news yesterday at work as well... Now I'm all stressed out again and my eye is twitching. I'm not telling ANYONE ANYTHING till we know more.. .LOTS more info about whats going on. Thats a lie... I've told a few people.. but only because if I didn't my freaking head would explode. 

Now... today I'm going to try to focus on drinking water. I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bottle of water. (Sorry Lea Anne... don't murder me.) 

Like I said ... This blog today... is about moving forward. 
My year of the lazies is over...
I've also decided to wash my hands of the family I have here that doesn't give a shit. 
The last time I saw my dad, was at my grandpa's funeral. (His dad) I wasn't included in anything, he walked right past me, shook my hand.... no hug... I was VISIBLY upset.. but Nothing. I spoke a little with him at the cemetery but we were interrupted pretty quickly by someone who wants him to have nothing to do with me. No call on Thanksgiving, nothing on his grand kid's birthdays, no calls for Christmas, new years, nothing. FUCK it. I'm done. It's just hard to really say that for me. Because it really hurts. 
Shit.. I probably need some kind of therapy. hahaha O_O

nah... I'm done. I'm strong. Tons of daughters don't have a relationship with their fathers. My situation just sucks because I went from extreme daddy's girl to outcast of his family. 

I need something to Hulk Smash.
Or I guess I could do laundry O_o

Here is to a quick month of weight loss! Hopefully by this time in March I'll be 10lbs smaller, and my arms won't look like turkey legs! 

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

First Time For Everything..

So... Allen and I got new phones! The samsung galaxy S3. It had an app for blogging so guess what's up!!? I can blog from my phone now.
This is by far the coolest phone I've ever owned. Lol who needs a laptop!?
I still do. Haha
So In the last blog post I was talking about Jacobs snaggle tooth... remember? About him having to take pictures... yeah we got the proofs yesterday. 
Proofs being the key word... Jacob got to school and decided he would just throw the envelope away...... thanks. NOW not only is the package I wanted $6.00 more.. I also habe to pay for shipping...which is $7.50. Yay Jacob!
Thanks kid. Gah.
I'm doing so many arm exercises in preparation for Kambria's stupid wedding. Her weddings not stupid. Me wearing a dress is stupid. A spaghetti strap one at that. Not cute.
K... oh now that I have a new phone I'm super addicted to snapchat again. Haha man its fun.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Pretty Random... Whoop

I have a few funny stories I guess I can post on here now... I have a little more time now... 
So the other night I was putting lotion on Allen's back because he's all ashy in the winter.. and it was night time, after his shower... He got really quiet and I thought to myself... Surely he's not going to fall asleep......

 And then he did. 
Standing up. 
 He was standing up in front of the sink, so his hands were on the counter and when he fell he made a gigantic mess of everything that was on it. Ay... 

So I guess that wasn't super funny.. but it was to me. O_o 
Jacob lost his 4th tooth recently. It was a pain in the ass. I thought we were going to have to take him to the dentist because this kid would NOT pull that tooth.. I could see his adult tooth coming in behind it. (I'm talking about his top right tooth) Also... it was so so so loose, that when he smiled it would poke out the front of his lips. He had school pictures during this time... $42.00 on some snaggle tooth pictures. I asked him when he got home that day if he took nice pictures.. and he said "mom... snaggle tooth.. remember?" haha yes.. how could I forget. 
You can't see it well in this pic,.. but trust me... it stuck out a mile. 

I went to Curves for the first time since last month the other day... to weigh in.. because I haven't been since LAST weigh in.. which is BAD.. but I made the board anyways.. in Inches Lost. hahaha I don't know how.. but you know what? I'll take it. With our income tax, some of it., we're going to get Allen into shape. LOL I'm going to have Lea Anne tone him up and make him happy again. lol He's gotten a little pooch belly over the past 5 years that we've been together, and he's not happy about it. 
He's healthy now... lol

Now... changing the subject to something SUPER exciting.... 
My next tattoo!!!
I don't know where I'm going to get it yet.. I am thinking on my forearm... like, where some people usually put First/Last names. 
In this general area.. but maybe more in the middle... 
Either way, I'm sure my mom will LOVE it. lol 
She hates all of my tattoos. 
They're so addicting though. They don't hurt that bad, and they're so pretty... If you get the right person to do them anyways. 

Oh man we're going to the Coast again for our anniversary this year... this time we're going to try to stay till Tuesday instead of Monday.. That Monday is always a holiday anyways... Columbus day or some shit. Anyways, the place we stay has a buy 3 nights get one free... so uh, yeah, WHY NOT? ESPECIALLY since I think this is going to be our last year doing this... Once the babies start school it'll be really hard to coordinate baby sitting for 4 days.. Harder more for Hailey and Ethan... Jacob's dad can keep him while we're gone now that he's moving back to San Angelo. But with my mom living like, 20 mins out of town,.. taking the kids to school and going to get them would be a pain.
I think we're going to save up and take the kids to Dallas to the Lego land place they have. They'll all love that. But I want to stay in a nice room, so we're going to save up for a bit. 
My way of saving up....
Duct taping an empty Quaker Oatmeal Old Fashioned Oats container and making a little slit at the top for money. Every time we have random dollars, or quarters we stuff it in there. I know I've already put several 5's and 10's in there... and Allen said he's put a few in there as well, so hopefully we'll have some kinda something saved up by then. 
Oh, I do it that way because I'm much too lazy to go to all the effort to get the money out... I put like 4 or 5 layers of Duct tape on that thing... 

awww crap... Ethan just yelled he's mad at me. I took his DVD player away because he's knocked it off the tv two different times. We just bought this stupid thing and he's already trying to break it. 
Be mad little boy... He'll forget why he's mad here in a little while. Hailey will come give me a hug or talk to me, and he'll FREAK. Dang Mamma's boy. 

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Holy Crap...

So much crap has gone on since my previous post... I lost myself a little, gave up for a second.. or just got super lazy.. I'm not sure. Whatever though. I've maintained my weight at a steady 145-148 and for now, that's ok with me. I am in a wedding in March though... so I'm working towards looking semi OK in a mother fu#*ing dress. Like, a real, legit dress. O_o Not cool... AND the Bride wants me to wear HEELS. Heels. 
I hope she has someone taking video because I would REALLY like to see myself rubber ankleing it down the isle. Better me than her I guess..
I guess.

My toe still hurts from when I fell after chasing the cat.. Not sure what I did to it.. Also, when I take a step, and I'm wearing my Chuck Taylors, my middle toe tingles like it's asleep. Awesome right? haha Went to the chiropractor yesterday and I was all jacked up. No wonder I've been having migraines lately. He said my neck was all wacky and of course, between my shoulder blades till. ugh.

I need to start doing my blog again.. I did that Jillian Michael's class at Curves the other day and I like it. I like it but it's hard work. hahah Not only have I not worked out like that in about... 2 months or something, Old people were doing it too, and doing it better.. so I felt like I had to REALLY push myself. Allen reminded me when I got home, it's not like I'm 18... I'm almost 30. 
Almost fucking 30. 
Thanks Honey.

I've started taking pictures of Allen at night while he's sleeping on the couch and posting them on Instagram. They're amazing. hahah I'm tagging them #sleepingbeauty #husbandsasleep #feetgoupeyelidsgodown I have about 8 of them so far. I'm sure I'll have a LOT more by this time next month. He doesn't have Instagram... ahaha I only do it when he's sitting up and we're supposed to be watching our shows or playing cards or something... I'll look over and boom, he's sleeping. Happens EVERY night. He's lucky if he stays awake past 10pm. 

I've almost saved up $40.00 with Survey Savvy. I take these dumb little surveys for money and I'm getting excited to cash it out! lol That's money for answering some stupid questions about shopping online vs. shopping in a store... or do I shop for groceries more online or in person? Super easy stuff man. Go Here if you want to make a little extra cash by doing nothing more than clicking a few things on the computer. You're online anyways... ya know?

Well... I'm going to get off here.. We're plugging in Allen's laptop to the TV so we can watch The Croods on Netflix with the babies! It'll be a brisk 20 degrees outside today, so there is no way I'm going to work out.... I'll try to be on here to update more... I miss it.