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Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Seriously... Lame.

I'm so distracted by everything going on around me that I've completely stopped paying attention to myself. I'm allowing myself to over eat, eat bad food, and drink soda and crap again and it is definitely showing. I had gotten my weight down to 137 pounds. SO damn close to my goal weight. SO CLOSE. 

I've gained half of it back. Half of the weight I lost.. is now back, and It happened over the course of about 3 months. I hate it. I know everyone has slip ups and down falls and hiccups and crap but this is more than that because I was aware of what I was doing. I just keep making other things more important. I do have a Dr. Appt tomorrow for my foot.. I'm having some tingling in my toes and it feels like I'm being stabbed in my foot when I walk around barefoot, and in most shoes. I'm also working towards getting a hysterectomy so there's that, but these are all excuses. Excuses that I'm tired of telling myself. 

I'm filing our taxes in a few days and we're using some of the refund we get back to get a weight bench. I think Allen is right though,. He said that I need to go back to Curves. He said, I probably won't keep up with it if I have the machines at home ONLY. I need to physically GO somewhere to get back in the groove and then do the weight bench TOO. Not only. I agree. I'm OBVIOUSLY  not able to be trusted on my own. I really really really miss Lea Anne. :( We still talk and text and snap chat and crap but she was a BIG driving force in my weight loss. When you have someone training you, and helping you, it makes everything so much more tolerable. I'll work out 15, 20 mins MAX by myself at home... when I used to go to Curves, I'd work out for an hour or more sometimes. Having someone PUSHING me to be better than I think I can be, is a huge help. 

I'm lame. I can't believe I worked so hard to get 65 pounds off, only to gain half of it back. 
Oh... the REALLY fun part about gaining some of my weight back... I now look like a sausage in ALL OF MY CLOTHES. I got rid of all my "fat clothes" because, you know, I wasn't fat anymore... surprise.. My muffin top is making a come back. FML. 

Time to get back on track... hopefully get the internet back up and running so I can utilize all the different websites I have saved for nutrition and work outs and get back into my clothes. Maybe even get down to my goal weight! Who knows! 

I need my motivation back. UGH