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Wednesday, May 13, 2015

My Foot Surgery!

So, in April I was diagnosed with Morton's Neuroma. I had a horrible pain in the ball of my foot that felt like a constant marble in my shoe when I walked. Allen had to modify my elliptical pedal it was hurting so bad. FORGET walking barefoot on anything. It made my toes tingle and go numb... Stupid.
April 29th I had surgery to remove it. 
Guys... there are two ways that a doctor can get this out, from the top of your foot, or from the bottom. My doctor had to go in from the bottom. I have about a 3 inch or longer incision in the bottom of my foot. Then that bitch closed that shit with STAPLES. 

I've had 5 surgeries in my life, none of them involved staples. Two of my 3 c-sections I had to talk the Dr. into using sutures instead of staples. It wasn't even...a thought in my mind about this one though. 
Check it out....
This was a few days after, She had it wrapped up and I wasn't supposed to unwrap it at all, but one night after a shower, it felt like a brick was putting pressure on my staples every time I set my foot down, So I unwrapped it and surprise! This is the crap I see. 
I bawled the first time I saw it. Turned my foot towards my face and immediately burst into tears, along with laughing. Allen was looking at me like, "Wtf is going on right now?" I think it was just a surprise ? I don't know.. when I was done though, I wrapped it back up and went on about my business. 

The Dr. sent me home in a boot... It shouldn't be called a boot though, It was a brick with Velcro straps on it. You want me to fucking walk on top of staples in my foot for 2 weeks? With this freaking boot strapped to it?? How about no Scott. Thank God we had gotten some crutches from my mom back when Allen rolled the shit out of his ankle... I rocked those for 2 full freakin weeks. 

Got my staples out yesterday and I am so excited. It still hurts to put pressure on it, and I definitely won't be getting on the elliptical within the next week, but she said no restrictions so, I guess I could if I wanted to! 
Here it is now...
Except some of the tape is already coming off. The top part, between my toes hurts so much. It sucks. My poor poor little tootsies. Now, the whole area between my two toes, is numb. I have no feeling at all between them or on top a little... it's weird. I'm just praying it heals correctly and I have no more problems. My left foot was having the same issue as my right one, but I'm not sure if I ever want to go through that shit again. 

OH... the best part? I have a chicken leg, and a regular leg now. Thanks a lot crutches. My right calf isn't as big as my left calf now. Allen noticed it yesterday. So... that's awesome. Super awesome.

But... now my foot is taken care of, and the uterine ablation I had has been recovered from so my weight loss will go down again. 

I've been eating nothing but freaking sugar and carbs lately. I'm out of control. I'm almost 100% sure I'm back up to 160! I've been down though, not out. I got a new water bottle, no feeling in my foot, a modified elliptical and a little bit of motivation. 
Like, hey, you don't fit into your pants anymore kinda motivation.  yikes. 

will be the hardest and most worked for 30 lb weight loss ever. 

Friday, March 20, 2015

Snacking is Stupid.

So, I've been doing good on the working out... now if I could get the SNACKING under control I'd be golden. I have to keep myself busy constantly. When I'm sitting on the couch watching TV or something with Ethan, I want to snack. Usually I'll go for pretzels... which is GREAT but... I highly doubt I'm only eating one serving. O_o Based on MyFitnessPal I'm meeting my calorie goals every day, but who knows. I'm not drinking NEAR enough water. I know that for sure. I need to get a big nice awesome water bottle. The last one I had, I would drink water constantly. Maybe I'll find something on Amazon soon. 

Monday I have to go to the hospital for a little bit of blood work, and then Tuesday I go in for my procedure. I'm kind of excited but kind of not.. The dr. was telling me that because I have my tubes tied, there is a 40% chance that this could make the pain worse. O_o He said if that happens, our only other option is a hysterectomy. Hopefully I still have some kind of insurance when that... or IF that happens I guess. 
I'll try anything though at this point. If I have to go through this before anything else can be done, then so be it. At least this dr. wants to do SOMETHING and not just throw his arms in the air because my tests all come back normal. Whatever is going on with me is NOT normal, and needs to be fixed. 

I also have a podiatry appt Friday! THAT is exciting. My foot has been KILLING me during my elliptical workouts. Imagine putting a marble in your shoe... and walking around on it all day while it's stuck in the ball of your foot. Feels real good. O_o 

I am going to try making healthy (ish) enchiladas here pretty soon too. I'm not sure how healthy they'll be but homemade stuff is usually healthier right? I'll be using non fat and low sugar and crap like that ingredients. We'll find out I guess. haha  

I'm so glad it's spring time now. I see lots of park visits with me and Ethan during the day. I can't believe he starts school this year. Gotta suck up as much play time with him as I can! 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Podiatrists, Surgery, Crap.

There is entirely too much going on with my body right now. 
BUT.. I've lost 6 pounds since Feb 23rd! woot! 
I went to my gyno yesterday for a pre-pre opp appt, and the nurse asks me "Were you wearing a lot of clothes last time you came in?"......
Nope... just some extra fat. Thanks for noticing. 
That is actually probably the nicest way anyone has ever asked me if I've lost weight without just coming out and asking. ha-ha 

I have another appt with them next week for the actual pre-opp.. and then on the 24th I have to go to the hospital and get my uterus scarred. Sounds delightful. O_o If this doesn't make the pain better, in a few months I'll be having a hysterectomy. Crossing my fingers this works. 

In the mean time I'll be going to a podiatrist to figure out WTF is going on with my foot. I feel like I'm walking on a marble and it makes my 2nd and 3rd toe tingle and go numb. It's been doing it for a while, but I hate going to the dr. Mostly because they're constantly trying to prescribe me freaking pain meds. If I wanted pain meds, I'd buy them off the streets... at least then I'd get the good shit. Not this 800mg ibuprofen shit that doesn't work. I don't want to mask the problem, I want to fix it. 
I'm supposed to have my foot elevated with ice and shit on it, but aint nobody got time for that. With 3 kids, let me go ahead and sit on the couch all day with my foot up. It isn't really possible for me to do that. 
(you should Youtube this episode if you don't get it. Hilarious.)

So, I got a referral today, and I'll go get x-rays and crap to figure out wtf. I might have to get some kind of cortisone shot or something? Which sounds painful as shit. But I guess it's better than sitting on my ass with my foot up poppin pain killers. 

My mom has our kids till Saturday. SATURDAY! Allen and I have NO KIDS right now. I can't even believe this is happening. What do adults do with their time when they don't have kids? I'm so lost. Theres no screaming..screeching...fighting...begging for snacks. It's pretty damn weird. 

Today is also my sister from another mister's birthday.. her big 3.0. Mines coming up too in October. yikes man. yikes. 
Happy Birthday Kambria. <3 BF4L :-D

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Going Down!

So, I've noticed that I work out better when Allen is at work. I don't know... something about him hearing me struggle and grunt while working out doesn't seem appealing to me. haha! Sunday my workout suffered while he was here. Monday, 30 minutes went by before I knew it! I considered working out a little longer, but I also REALLY wanted to sit on the couch and be in silence while Ethan was napping.

So I made that happen. haha

Yesterday was another really good work out day too. I was in a bad mood so that helps. I burned more calories yesterday than any other day, which is great! Using other peoples stupidity as motivation is a really good idea. hahaha 

Here is something that is completely off the subject of weight loss... but hey, this is my blog, I do what I want. ;) 

There is a girl, who did something deplorable to me a few years ago. I've moved on from that, there's nothing you can do to make people change. So, anyways... since then, shes continually talked trash about me, (and other family members) while acting friendly to my face. All while sending me Facebook friend requests, and telling me we need to squash shit between us... but am I wrong to really not want to? I mean, isn't it up to me, whom I decide to let into my life? I feel like if I were to brush this all under the rug, she gets her way, and I'm basically handing her a knife made specifically for my back. I'm not down with that. 
She's proven over and over and over and over and over that she is the most negative person on the face of the earth... I just really feel no need to associate with her. I'm allowed that, right? 
Cuz that's whats going to happen. I don't feel like I'm holding a grudge.. I feel like I'm protecting myself and my kids from a crazy and destructive person. Thats good enough for me. 

I did something today that I said I wasn't going to do till I went back to the Dr. 
I weighed myself.
And according to my scale, I'm down 4.5 pounds! WHAT!? 
Fuck yes I am! 
I'll only go down from here... and that little bit makes me want to get on this elliptical right now and not get off till the kids come home. 
That was a lie. Maybe I only want to get on for 30 mins again. haha no matter how long I stay on, I have to wait till Allen goes back to work. I can NOT work out with him home for lunch eating a damn pizza. O_o 

Speaking of eating, It's time for lunch! I have a parent teacher conference with Jacob's teacher tomorrow... Maybe I'll update after that. Maybe. 

Friday, February 27, 2015

I Feel It Again!!!

I don't know if it's because I'm taking this One A Day Womens vitamin, or the workout I just had but I feel so good right now. I am leaning towards the work out though. This is the first workout I've done, where I didn't stop half way through to gather myself, and it feels really fucking good. I was so bummed when I first got the Elliptical because I couldn't make it through one program on it without basically dying. 

I did 2 today. 


Maybe it's a coincidence that I also charged up my IPod and had Meghan Trainor and Bruno Mars singing to me during my workout. I doubt it though. I think music has a giant impact on how I work out. I've tried watching TV while I do it and all I can think about is how bad it sucks and how much I want to sit on the couch with my feet propped up. With music playing in my ears I almost lose myself. I know I definitely lose track of time. Now, it helps that I have my IPod on the computer to the Death Machine so I can't see how long I've gone. 

Anyways... I was so excited that I did a substantial workout that I had to blog about it. haha Thats how long it's been! I'm gradually going to add more music to my playlist so I go longer and longer. maybe a song a week? That's about 3-4 extra minutes. Maybe 2 songs. Who knows yet. 

Super proud of myself today though! NOW... to plan a good filling and healthy meal for dinner that my kids will eat. hahaha and husband. Even bigger HAHAHA. O_o

Thursday, February 26, 2015

The Time Is Now..... Right?

So... for the past few weeks I've been telling myself (and everyone around me) that once I get my elliptical I'm going to bust some ass and get back into shape. I got the elliptical!!! 2 weeks ago! O_o
Look, Don't get me wrong, I DO want to be skinny *ish* again... but damn that shit hurts my legs. LOL 
I watch that show on TLC called My 600lb Life while I'm on it, you know, for horrible motivation. It's really hard to do this at home though. I really liked the set up of Curves... working out different parts of my body constantly, but keeping my heart rate up for 30 mins seemed a LOT easier moving from area to area. I get bored as FACK on that damn elliptical....

Look at me... and all my excuses. I roll my eyes so much at myself it's pathetic.  

I've been logging all my foods and exercise for the past like month or so on MyFitnessPal app... 
Now if I could get my self control back, that'd be great. But I see oreos...and I'm like...

I need to get all the stupid sugar out of the house. Immediately. OH.. and WTF is up with all the damn GIRL SCOUT COOKIES?!! I can't handle those too. Stupid Stupid Stupid cookies.  But seriously... look at how freaking amazing they are... I mean.. the toasted coconut, the milk chocolate, the crumbly delicious cookie....
That stupid little cookie... I could have one if I wanted to... but I can't eat just one. I have to eat the damn box. lol... which really isn't funny.. and I know I shouldn't. If I had the same determination working out, as I do cleaning my plate... maybe I'd be skinny. Or at least in shape. 
UGH... This too shall pass... (Girl Scout Cookie Season I mean) bastards. 

Other than me being fat again, (159.. yep.. gained 20 miraculous pounds) We have internet again! So... I'll be able to update this more and get back into my groove. Maybe this was helping more than I thought. Because I was losing while I was blogging. Well, time to go to the store. Then, I'll come home, make lunch, put ET man down for a nap and get my fat ass back on this damn elliptical. 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Seriously... Lame.

I'm so distracted by everything going on around me that I've completely stopped paying attention to myself. I'm allowing myself to over eat, eat bad food, and drink soda and crap again and it is definitely showing. I had gotten my weight down to 137 pounds. SO damn close to my goal weight. SO CLOSE. 

I've gained half of it back. Half of the weight I lost.. is now back, and It happened over the course of about 3 months. I hate it. I know everyone has slip ups and down falls and hiccups and crap but this is more than that because I was aware of what I was doing. I just keep making other things more important. I do have a Dr. Appt tomorrow for my foot.. I'm having some tingling in my toes and it feels like I'm being stabbed in my foot when I walk around barefoot, and in most shoes. I'm also working towards getting a hysterectomy so there's that, but these are all excuses. Excuses that I'm tired of telling myself. 

I'm filing our taxes in a few days and we're using some of the refund we get back to get a weight bench. I think Allen is right though,. He said that I need to go back to Curves. He said, I probably won't keep up with it if I have the machines at home ONLY. I need to physically GO somewhere to get back in the groove and then do the weight bench TOO. Not only. I agree. I'm OBVIOUSLY  not able to be trusted on my own. I really really really miss Lea Anne. :( We still talk and text and snap chat and crap but she was a BIG driving force in my weight loss. When you have someone training you, and helping you, it makes everything so much more tolerable. I'll work out 15, 20 mins MAX by myself at home... when I used to go to Curves, I'd work out for an hour or more sometimes. Having someone PUSHING me to be better than I think I can be, is a huge help. 

I'm lame. I can't believe I worked so hard to get 65 pounds off, only to gain half of it back. 
Oh... the REALLY fun part about gaining some of my weight back... I now look like a sausage in ALL OF MY CLOTHES. I got rid of all my "fat clothes" because, you know, I wasn't fat anymore... surprise.. My muffin top is making a come back. FML. 

Time to get back on track... hopefully get the internet back up and running so I can utilize all the different websites I have saved for nutrition and work outs and get back into my clothes. Maybe even get down to my goal weight! Who knows! 

I need my motivation back. UGH