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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Measurement day! First and Last.

I was weighed and measured yesterday. I'm not SUPER disappointed, because I know that it could have been worse and wasn't completely my fault. I weigh the same as I did last month. 156. My inches are still going down, which is GREAT and I lost like a pound of body fat so I think I'm carrying a lot of water weight. Now that I'm able to work out again, I'm going to do it! lol I need to get back into the frame of mind that got me to 156... 126 here I come! 
I need to focus again on my portion control., I've gotten lax with it because I felt like "this is what I usually eat, I don't have to measure." Bullshit. My eyes are bigger than my stomach, and I'm going to start using my dang measuring cups again. With Allen off on weekends now, we order out more too. So, I'm going to either STOP that altogether, or let him get what he wants and I'll get subway. I have been making my own samaches at home recently., Wheat bread, toasted, with provolone cheese (reduced fat), chicken breast on the bread as its toasting, add lettuce, tomato and a tea spoon of miracle whip. Saves money and is just as good. LOL :) 
I'm going to have a bad ass breakfast tomorrow for me and the kids. Eggs, Turkey Bacon, Oatmeal and toast and jelly. (toast and jelly is for kids.) and TONS of water! Excited already. :) 

So, I'm getting kinda stressed about the upcoming weeks. My birthday is in a few days, Allen will be going to NM within the next week, we're getting married 10/11/12, so we have to buy our marriage license. SOON. Side note, those things are freaking expensive! in Texas its $75.00! Killin me. Anyways., then we're going on our honeymoon, which will be AWESOME. No idea where we're going yet, but I know it'll be 3 FULL nights without the kids, and we're going to drink. I'm pretty sure I can get Allen to bring our xbox too so we can play Halo. LOL lame. We're not exactly rollin in the dough though. OH and my moms moving to a house about 25-30 mins away! I don't think I ask her much to watch the kids now, but I'll never get a break with her being that far away. LOL I need a daycare that will watch them for like 2 hours a day, and not charge 400$. 
Thats nuts. N.U.T.S. 
Gunna get ready to go to Curves, I've felt SUPER lazy today. Gotta go change that. 
I need this! 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Holy Crap... What happened?!

I haven't really worked out in 3 days. Not Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday! I feel super guilty.. I haven't really been bad on my diet though. I've eaten healthy sammaches at Subway, and my tilapia with rice. It still worries me when I don't work out for a few days. I've worked super hard to get this crap off, and I'll be damned if I let a little pain make it come back. 

We got a rescue kitty today. His name is Skeeter. He's GOT to be the smallest 11wk old kitty I've ever seen. 

I've never really posted a before picture of me on here.. and I should. I just hardly have any. I never really took pictures when I was 193lbs. I was the one TAKING the pics. Lets see what I can find. 
This is one from December of 2011. It's really hard for me to look at it. My house is a mess, and I'm... I'm huge. O_o
 This... is like July of 2011... I honestly didn't even know I had this on my computer until just now. I'm appalled at how big I had let myself get. We had just left a Chinese buffet in Seguin Tx. *Places I do not go anymore*
This is JUNE 1ST 2012. I started this weight loss Journey January 23rd 2012. I'll post another pic of me more recently soon.. I just gotta get an area of the house clean. LOL :) 
Its freaking 12:30 and my almost 27 year old going on 60 year old body wants to go to bed. Hopefully this dang kitty doesn't do anything too annoying tonight. Hes already proven to have VERY good lungs. O_O
........................Punching Kittys is BAD. 

ps.. going on a bike ride tomorrow, AND running a mile. Maybe not a 14 min mile, but, a mile. :D

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Couldn't Run Through the Pain....

Today, I had some HORRIBLE lower back pain. I just KNOW because of the freaking hormone therapy I was on for 2 months. I gave that shit up after the horrible nightmares I was having and the mood swings and hot flashes. No thanks.. I'll have to self medicate this pain until Allen and I tie the knot 10/11/12. Then I'll finally be on his insurance and I'll be able to get looked at for real. Instead of the "well we don't want to do anything because you're not on insurance" BS I got last time I went to the Dr. I'm pretty sure my ovaries HATE me and my uterus must too. No worries. These cysts and other crap will be taken care of soon enough. 

I wanted to run today. But I've been sidelined due to pain. I've taken 2 Tylenol, 2 Pamprin and a damn Valium and the only thing it helped was... nothing. It just made me lethargic. ugh. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully the pain will have subsided by then and I can get back into the garage on my treadmill running my heart out. 
I'm not going to lie... my thighs are thankful for the break. haha

ALSO... tomorrow, SHOULD be my weigh in day. Lea Anne will be going out of town tomorrow, so she won't to the measurements, SHE did hers yesterday and she murdered our goal of the double digit weight loss by losing 11 POUNDS in a month! Beast mode! THAT is why she's an awesome trainer. Not only does she know what it takes to lose weight, shes been there, and STILL doing it. She knows all the struggles and disappointments that come with it too. Thank GOD I have her help with food and nutritional info. 

I joined a group on facebook today called Stacy's Healthy Friends... ( someone reads my blog on there and I can inspire someone as much as I've been inspired by others. I know I'm not perfect, but I do know a little bit.. Learning from the best! :D ... Still, the BEST advice I've ever gotten, DRINK TONS OF WATER. lol 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Forrest Gump... I'm not him.

Yesterday I shaved a minute off my 17 minute mile... today I shaved 2 more off. That's right, 14 minutes and I ran a mile. I don't think it's going to get any better than that. LOL not soon anyways. Thats OK though, I'm good with a 14 minute mile. Even if today is the only day I do it that fast. lol If I'm going to run this 1/2 marathon in March, I need to work more on endurance than speed anyways. I just need to be able to get through 13 miles! 
I don't know how Forrest Gump ran the way he did. lol My poor legs want to just die. I think a lot of it is because I'm running in the damn garage too. Its flipping hot out there man. I have a good fan blowing on me, with my water on the treadmill, but dang. It's hot! I'm thinking that when it cools down a little, and stops raining so much, I'll take that treadmill outside on the back patio and plug it in out there. At least then I'll be outside, getting some sun and out of the dang garage. 
I've had some trouble with my motivation this past week... I'll tell ya, that Papa John's knows what they're doing when it comes to making bread sticks. That's my weakness. For some people, it's chocolate, sodas, pasta, cookies, sweets, whatever... for me.. BREAD. Garlic bread, bread sticks, pizza crust... omg it's so freaking good. :( I KNOW they have to be like a million calories and TONS of carbs... I'm going to google it right now......

OK, so not as bad as I thought, but still.. not GREAT! 
Serving size is 2 sticks. There are 340 calories per serving and 10g of fat. Not to mention 720mg of SODIUM... yikes. However, still not as bad as I figured. so, I don't feel AS bad anymore. Still, I need to reign in my diet a little. I've fallen away from it due to stress and I need to get back into the swing of things. I have been eating breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner... and I NEVER eat after 8pm anymore. I haven't done that in a while though... I weigh in soon at Curves and I'm afraid I didn't hit my double digit weight loss this month. I've tried but not as hard as I could have. BUT....
I'm fully committed to getting this last 30lbs or so off... I know it's going to be hard, and I need to stop making excuses. I cheat on my diet so duh, I'm not going to get the weight loss I want. But I justify the cheating by saying "oh I'll run it off tomorrow..." or "I'll work out a little more today" I'm never going to get anywhere if I keep up with this crap. Now I'm angry at myself. It's on like donkey kong. The gloves are off, No more cheating, and I'm back to counting calories religiously. If I want this weight off, I have to work it off. dang it. 

I'm reading a book right now called the Harbinger. It's a pretty good book so far. Its basically about how events from today are exactly like what happened to Ancient Israel 2000 years ago. I have an issue though.. The author says that God has lifted his veil of protection from America because we're falling away from Him., And that now, because the veil is lifted, our enemies can breach our defenses and hurt us. The Author says 9/11 is when this happened. Nuh uhh... what about Pearl Harbor? That was a direct and very deliberate attack on US soil that claimed many lives. Not to mention the world trade centers have been bombed before. Maybe I'm missing something when it comes to how the book perceives the 9/11 attacks... Maybe the ancient vow of judgement is only in regards to the Continental US. ?? IDK...  Once I get past that in my brain though, Its a good book. A lot of what the Author says makes sense. And it's VERY eerie.

In part of the book, it says how after 9/11 it seemed that things had changed.. People were going to church again, Praying for people again... Like they had all heard a quiet voice calling them to come back towards God.. Then the shock wore off, and all America wants to do is get bigger, better, stronger than before. The book is basically saying that by rebuilding, the way we're rebuilding, is like defying the calling of God. So God's going to keep trying to wake America up by letting their enemies penetrate and harm us. 

OH and the bible talks about Zombies... just fyi... 

Isaiah 9:19 "The land will be blackened by the fury of the Lord of Heaven's Armies. The people will be fuel for the fire, and no one will spare even his own brother. 20:They will attack their neighbor on the right, but will still be hungry. They will devour their neighbor on the left but will not be satisfied. In the end they will even eat their own children."


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Running! The 17min mile.

I don't know whats going on with me today... I've been in a "mood" all day long. All WEEK long... I'm sure it's going to come out in this blog and sorry for that but like I said at the beginning of this, this is MY BLOG, this is where I vent... and I do that best in front of a keyboard. so... Here goes.

I ran a mile today. 17 minutes and I ran a mile. I'm going to start training for a half marathon that takes place next March. Lea Anne was telling me about it... Something Desert something. It will be a 13 mile run. At the pace I'm going now, I'd be running for like 3 hours. LOL I don't see that happening right now. I'll work up to it though. No worries. 
I've been really stressed out the past few weeks. I don't know if I'm going to make my double digit weight loss this month or not. I haven't weighed myself in forever, and I know my diet hasn't been the best. I have to stop making excuses and just do it. Like everything else in my life right now. My weight loss, my saving up for a honeymoon, my saving up for a house, paying off this piece of SHIT jeep... I just have to do it. 

The saying goes, Money doesn't buy happiness... but it sure would make being happy a LOT fucking easier right now. Ran the jeep through Kelly Blue Book last night, it's WORTH $5200 in excellent condition. We OWE $11,300 on that stupid ass piece of junk. Just typing it, make me want to throw up. If we were to trade it in, they'd give us like $4200. That is just one of my issues I'm trying to deal with. We're currently renting a 3 bedroom house for $900... We're a family of 5. We had already outgrown this house the day we moved into it. But it's the only thing that was available and in a good neighborhood. 

My credit is FUCKED thanks to being young, and completely stupid, and marrying someone I had a kid with instead of marrying someone I was in love with. What I thought was love, was just my need to put a label on what was going on in my life at the moment. I had a 6 month old baby boy, and a "baby daddy". I didn't want to have a "baby daddy." Looking back, I'm not sure if I ever even LOVED Fern.. He was my high school sweet heart, we moved in together 3 months after graduation and the story goes downhill from there. The best thing I got from him was Jacob. 
This was when Jacob was just a little older than Hailey. 

NOW, my ex-husband's dumb ass doesn't pay his shit, so anything we had joint, or that he put my name on is also on my credit. Like his lasik surgery... $3000 is listed as a damn charge off just because I cosigned for him to be able to better himself and fix his sight, we divorced shortly after that and he stopped paying it. Now I'm paying for it in the worst way. I never thought I'd be a 26, almost 27 year old mom of 3, and not own my own home yet. THAT, is killing me. I've been saving for our honeymoon for about 4 months now, and I've got $190 saved. It's going to take me YEARS to save up to buy a house. Unless we hit the lottery, which I don't see happening. We'll probably have to put down at least 10% when we get a house, and that's going to be fucking impossible.... 

Damn... Told you I was in a mood. I can't even stand myself when I'm in this kind of mood. I guess I just get ran down thinking about everything we don't have but that we want, or need. We NEED to pay off this Jeep, we NEED a bigger house,.
It's like, We have so much that we need to save up for but its fucking impossible to save up for anything when you have 3 kids.
playing the worlds smallest violin. ugh

This is why you're supposed to meet the person of your dreams, get married, buy the car, the house, and THEN have the kids... Doing everything backwards just makes everything so hard. I didn't intend on doing it backwards, thats just how it happened. Thank GOD we don't have money issues or that would be the straw that broke the camels back and I'd go eat my OLD weight in greasy junk food. I thank GOD everyday that Allen got this job. I was reading my older blogs from before he had this job and man, we were barely scraping by. Now we have the money we need to pay our bills, but with 3 kids, constantly fixing something on the jeep, buying diapers, new clothes because they're outgrowing the old ones, and everything else we have to keep up with saving money is a joke. 

OK, I'm done with the pity party...Now that I've had a chance to vent, maybe my head will be more clear, and I'll be able to focus on shit better.
 Tomorrow is going to be a better day damn it. I'm making Fish for supper tonight, with rice and green beans or something IDFK. something healthy and yummy.

We're winning the lotto tonight. damn it.

I need to listen to this song more....

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Sunday Funday!

Today has been a good day so far! Allen has been busting out the side work for our honeymoon savings, AND my diet is going good today. I had 2 eggs for breakfast with some chocolate milk (fat free) and a few bites of the kid's Strawberry Lots of water too! Oh, and I just found out Allen is on his way home with our Landlords truck to do some MORE side work for some MORE money! or... maybe some $$$ off of rent! LOL Whatever man, that will help too, or maybe hes going to come fix these leaky windows... or the roof... or possibly the hot water heater. LOL whatever. 

I got a yoga mat yesterday, which means that I can give Lea Anne HER'S back. lol  I also need to buy a wii Active game too, because I have that of hers too. I hate that game though. I'll be spending money on something that is almost like torture. Jump squats, high knees, running, its not something that you really want to do when you're thinking "hey.. I'm going to play some wii..." but, it works! 

I updated the face of my blog today as well... For all of you like 3 people that read this. My mom, Aunty and the random person thats scanning though blogger. haha! The previous layout I had was pissing me off. This one is pretty. 

This next story has the word Fuck a lot. so don't read it if you don't like it.

OMG so I was driving today on a 5 lane road that we have here in Angelo, its a major road here... and there is a center lane for turning ONLY... Some fucking jackwad on the left side of the road, wanted to turn left so they pulled into the turning lane and started driving there till cars passed so they could get all the way over onto the other side of the road. Well, I happen to have my blinker on, turning into the place they were turning out of, and my Jeep almost had a come to Jesus meeting with their stupid ass Nissan. I should have fucking rammed that piece of shit jeep right into the side of that stupid ass Xterra. I fucking hate that jeep anyways. They're luuuucky I had the kids in the car... So. I honked and my windows were down due to lack of ac, and their windows were down so i yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!?!?" .... and then I remembered my kids were in the car. LOL dang it. Road rage being handed down. lol 

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Stronger, Thinner, Happier!

Kelly Clarkson is right. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm sure she never intended this song to be a work out anthem, but it works GREAT when your on your last 2 minutes of a 20 min run. 
I know... 20 minutes doesn't seem like a long run.. but I'm going to start off slow.. and work up to hours! 

I decided last night that I was going to get a treadmill. I want to run. I want to run a 5k. Then, I want to run a 10k. I would LOVE to run a marathon! I'm going to run a marathon! 
This morning, I got a treadmill off of Facebook for 50$. There is a site here in my town that is kinda like Craigslist, but on Facebook. I put an update just saying 'hey... searching for a treadmill.. hit me up.' and about an hour later, bam! I've got a treadmill. :) I'm very excited. This is a new day.

I haven't been this motivated about losing weight or doing something in a very long time. It feels really good. I'm also going to bust out my damn blender and start making protein shakes. Lea Anne thinks that I probably need to up my protein intake and I can TOTALLY see that being true. lol Thank GOD I have her to help me, otherwise I feel like I would have failed a long long time ago. People keep telling me that I need to take credit for my weight loss alone, but I haven't done it alone. If it wasn't for her keeping me in line sometimes and pushing me to reach goals, I'd be 20lbs heavier. If it wasn't for Allen making sure I'm sticking to my portions, I wouldn't be as far along as I am today either. I'm very lucky to have people in my life that care about my weight loss and understand how important it is to me. <3 Eternally Grateful. 

Lea Anne liked a pic the other day on Facebook that led me to a blog of a really inspirational story. One that I hope to come close to! Its This girl is AMAZING. I'm very excited to start doing all of this. I hope that within the next few months I'm able to run with Lea Anne... that bitch runs for like, hours though. LOL we'll see. I might die on the first time out. O_o 
Here's to Chunking Deuces to inches!!! I've lost like 37 or something to date! woot woot! I still am trying for my double digit weight loss this month. I have till the 20th to get this done. I'm hoping now that I have this treadmill its going to be a smidgen easier. ALSO, tomorrow I'm going to go on a bike ride.. I'm contemplating going to the KOA, which is full of hills n shit, but its also by the lake so it'd be pretty. The hills are scary though. I'm not going to lie at all. I'm seriously scared to go on a bike ride at the KOA. lol It might just be a bike ride around the neighborhood. :) 

You can tell how excited I am about this treadmill because this blog is ALL about my weight loss! I'm done with it for now... I can smell my laptop. Not like, because its hot.. but because its freaking smoking, and I don't want it to explode on my lap! 

I'm going to be biking tomorrow and Monday morning.. maybe Tuesday morning too.. I'll probably update my blog again around those days... unless something amazing happens. 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Just Some Junk.

According to my Wii Fit board, I've lost another 1.2 lbs. SO, IF that thing is correct, I have 5 pounds to lose in the next 17 days. I've got to stop letting myself cheat here and there. I need to cut back on my carbs. :( That is going to be soooo hard. I love carbs soooo much. This is not going to be a blog about my weight loss by the way.. just in case you were wondering. lol 

Allen and I bought a love seat and sofa this past weekend and its AWESOME. Its got 4 recliners and two of them rock... Literally rock. Also, we have cup holders now! As awesome as they are though, they're bringing me TONS of stress. I am pretty sure I need to talk to a therapist or something about this buyers remorse I have. 
Buyer's remorse is the sense of regret after having made a purchase. It is frequently associated with the purchase of an expensive item such as a car or house. It may stem from fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller.[1]

Yep... Thats me. Anytime we spend money on stuff we don't NEED I feel super guilty. Pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday I was freaking out about it. I just keep thinking, we could have bought the kids lots of new clothes, or could have gotten Jacob a bike, or new clothes for Allen and I, or attempted to fix the AC in the jeep.... again.. All the coulda woulda shouldas kill me. I'm a mess. 

So, I've gotten Allen to start taking CoQ10 for his issues hes having. He's been taking it for 3 days, and already his hands aren't swollen like they were and he can grasp things without it hurting him. I had no idea it would help his hands! Just an added bonus. :)