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Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Big Fork.

 I feel like I'm at that stupid fork in the road where I'm either going to buckle down and make this weight loss my bitch, or I'm going to LET myself get lazy and I'm going to start yoyoing. I'm totally ignoring my 'I'm full so stop fucking eating' sensor during dinner, and I'm not drinking the water I should be. It's not that I don't want to lose anymore weight, I want to be able to say 'I've lost 50lbs!' I would be a solid 142 and maybe around a size 12ish. 

I got on the wii fit the other day, and it's been a few weeks since I was last on.. Anyways, I expected a movement in my weight. I figured it would have gone up since the last time because I'd been over eating here and there and not on my game with working out 100%. It was the same. No upwards movements, no downwards movements. That's almost worse than going up a little. lol I HATE not feeling like I'm making any progress. 

We're eating Baked French's Onion Chicken tonight with corn and probably mac n cheese. I'm considering eating a small salad with it so I don't over eat the stupid Mac N cheese. It's so good though. :-\ UGH. 
mmmmmm cheese.......

I can do it! I'm going to use my awesome measuring cup again, and NOT pile that shit on my plate. I'll make the plates tonight too, and I'll give the babies and Jacob more than usual, so there's not as much left over when I serve myself. If I'm going to do that, I might as well just put spoonfuls on the floor. Since that's where its going to end up anyways. Dang Children. 

Speaking of Children... I've watched Tangled about 9 times in the past few days. Hailey LOVES that movie. It really grows on you though. Its one of the few Disney Pixar movies that doesn't have adult innuendos sprinkled throughout the film. I like just regular ole kid friendly movies. It doesn't have to be slightly dirty like Ice Age or Shrek lol (Those are good ones too though!) 

I don't think I'll be going to Curves today. I really need an hourly daycare drop in center here! I miss the one in Austin SOOOOO much! 

Friday, August 24, 2012

Today is the DAY!

I worked out a fair amount yesterday.. Thank goodness because I don't know if I'll be able to make it to Curves. But, I feel like I ate really good yesterday. Lots of water and healthy crap. I feel like I ate pretty much all day yesterday too thanks to the snacks (carrots and grapes) I had. Today I'm not sure how great I'll be. So far, I've had some mini wheats cereal and a glass of chocolate milk. lol I'll be running around a lot today so I'll try to pack snacks. 

I've got Jacob's Meet the Teacher today at 12. SO excited that he'll be going into the 2nd grade! That means in just 3 short years, Hailey and Ethan will be starting school too. Yikes. I don't want to think about all those school supplies, school clothes, all the money on lunches and crap omg we're going to be broke. lol 

So, We've been turned down for a house because our credit scores aren't where they're supposed to be. I kinda figured that would happen.. I'm ok about it though, now we're going to get to go on our HONEYMOON in OCTOBER to the BEACH. Provided there is no hurricane during that time. lol 

I have court today to finally get divorced from my first kids' dad. LOL isn't that some backwoods sounding shit? I'm legally still married, but have 2 kids by another guy I'm already engaged to. Sounds horrible on paper. LOL Divorces are expensive though guys! I tried to do it on my own twice, and the first time the judge yelled at me for how I was dressed and told me to try again. I was in slacks and a dressy blouse thing, but BUT I made the mistake of wearing a hoodie INSIDE the court room. I had it off by the time my cause number was called, but he was still holding a grudge. It was like March in Austin... kinda chilly man!

 Anyways my 3rd attempt is today at 2. I have to meet my lawyer at his office at 1:30, so that gives me limited time to spend with Jacob at his Meet The Teacher thing. I hope we can at least find out where his classroom is, his seat, and where to drop off and pick up. The school he's going to, is getting a face lift and there is construction EVERYWHERE. It's a giant clusterfuck over there in the mornings and afternoons. I'm not looking forward to that shit at all. ugh. 

The weather is supposed to be perfect and rainy all day today. I hate that I have to get out in it and try to look decent. Humidity and my hair have a long time feud going on. Hopefully I don't look like a lion by the time I have to be in court. HA! 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

My weigh in!

I was weighed and measured again yesterday. I'm still losing, so I'm not really freaking out yet, but I only lost 4 pounds last month. I GAINED half an inch in my arms which is bad ass considering its muscle growth from all my lifting. haha

This is the little print out that I get when I get weighed and measured, I loooove looking at the downward slope! :D 
The red lined graph is INCHES!
Might be kinda fuzzy, but whatever, I already know what it says. lol
I got a good talk in with my friend/coach Lea Anne at Curves too. This past month I've slacked off super bad. It's really helpful when someone on the outside sees that too, and calls me out. LOL I've reached my goal of 30lbs lost now, I've got to reset the goals in my head, and relight the fire that was there when I started losing the weight. This month I have a big goal of a double digit weight loss. I haven't done that since March-April! Hopefully I don't let myself down and come up short. I'm going to push myself super hard this month. I'm going to be putting my fitness FIRST, every day. No matter how late I have to go to Curves, I'm going to try to go every day. 

By this time next year I hope to be a healthy 130ish pounds and toned. That doesn't seem all that unattainable. The toning part is going a lot slower than I thought it would. I'm constantly lifting weights and crap and I'm just now able to see it in my arms. I know I still have some fat to lose so I'm not super trippin. 
I'm super lucky to have people in my life that are encouraging me. I probably would have given up a while back. lol There is no getting fat again after I reach my goal though. I can't. My engagement ring is a size smaller, and in order to keep wearing it, I have to stay the size I am now, or smaller. lol That's not exactly something I can just go get re-sized whenever I want. 

Speaking of my engagement ring,.. Allen and I have set a date FO SHO of 10/11/12. :) Depending on if we get qualified for a house we're looking at or not, we're going to be going to Port A for our honey moon. There is a motel RIGHT on the ocean for 80$ a night. It's got a full kitchen, dining room and bedroom off on the side and a full living room.. It'll be perfect! IF we get qualified for this house, we're using that money to put as a down payment on it. I'll keep you slightly updated on that situation.. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, I've already stressed about it to the point where I have a freaking fever blister. ugh.
That freaking house is perfect though. 4 bedrooms 2 bathrooms, all updated, it even has a swing set and jungle gym in the back yard already. <3 perfect. Just another situation to let go and let God. 
This is still true. I was reminded again yesterday. 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


What is 41.5? Whats that have to do with anything? 

THAT is the size of my abdomen, in inches. That's what it was 7/20 and that's what it STILL is right now. I'm getting SUPER annoyed with it. I'm getting angry with myself for not being more on top of things. I'm starting to 'cheat' a little more than usual.. but maybe that's because I'm more stressed? IDK but it's over today. I had fruit for breakfast with some cheese, and a water, now I'm having a small bean and cheese burrito thing from smart ones, and probably Spaghetti later. No worries there, I have my food scale that I fully tend on using from today on, and my   measuring cup. I will not be having any cheese with this meal. LOL 
Unless you're my mom and you're chewing gum, then it's super hard. LOL ;)

I need someone walking behind me constantly telling me to drink some damn water. I don't drink anything all day it seems. Then for supper it's usually tea, unless Allen gets a wild hair up his ass to make me drink water. This past weekend, I've drank only water and I feel a lot better than I did last week. Lets see if I can keep it up...Maybe I can get this stupid 41.5 to shrink. It's weird! Last week my wii fit said I'd lost 5.5 pounds. From where? Not there. Not my ass. ugh. 
That number is haunting me. 

So, today is another day, (It's Tuesday morning.) I started this blog yesterday. That's usually what I do though, I'll start a blog and get distracted by a mess or a kid making a mess and forget. Anyways... last night I was telling my local cable provider, SUDDENLINK to set up a disconnect date for Thursday and then suddenly my cable doesn't work. Looks like I'll be out of excuses to play with the kids till Wednesday afternoon when Dish Network will be here.

aaaaand now it's lunch time Tuesday afternoon. lol I'm having cantaloupe. <3. Well, I'm having half of one anyways. I don't know if I'll have time for Curves today since Allen has to go to the store after work again today. There is always something stupid we forget and have to go back for the next day. This time though, we've had to make like 8 trips because there's something small we missed the day before... Toilet paper, shaving cream, dish soap... all the things you should NEVER forget ever. Stupid crap.

I guess I'll go ahead and end the blog here.. The kids are napping, I have no cable, except the channels that the Olympics are on. Which, aren't all that bad this year. I actually enjoyed the diving and stuff. I'll go and eat my cantaloupe alone on the couch in the dark till the kids wake up. :D I'm lying, I'm going to listen to Michael Jackson and probably lift weights. lol 

Oh, and a side note, I got on my wii fit this morning, and I've gained 2.5lbs since last week... NO WONDER the 41.5 is still hanging around. Its because I LET it. UGH 

Friday, August 3, 2012

5 pound surprise.

I got an amazing little surprise yesterday. I jumped on the Wii Fit to play some games for the kids, and did my little weight assessment thing. I got weighed and measured July 20th, and as of yesterday, I had gone down another 5.5 lbs. I haven't measured myself in a few days, so I don't know if I'm losing inches.
Anyways, I started feeling really fat a few days ago so I figured I had gained a little weight or something. To my surprise I didn't! I was really scared that the hormone therapy I'm taking was going to cause me to gain weight. They haven't yet.

I went to my "Female Dr." a month or so ago, and had an exam done because I've been in some excruciating pain. Like, bent over in tears not being able to move kinda pain. I have no insurance, so she wouldn't do anything more than really talk to me. She had 4 months of free samples of Lo Loestrin Fe and some other hormone I'm taking and I have to say, not too thrilled with it so far. Its supposed to get everything under control, and manage my pain... it doesn't. EVER. I've only been on it for one cycle of pills... so I'm hoping this set of pills will be different. If they don't work, AFTER I get on Allen's insurance, I have to have a uterine biopsy, where they'll probably have to do some kind of Abdominal Ablation... and if THAT doesn't work, she said a hysterectomy will be next depending on what the uterine biopsy says.. She said I'm pretty young to get any kind of cancer, but its not impossible, and with the amount of pain I have there are a few other things it could be.
I've decided that I've got some serious goals to set. I have gone this whole time losing weight, with one ultimate goal... My goal weight for myself is 135ish... nothing more than 135. I'm at 153 right now. I STARTED at 192. (which is still CRAZY to me.) I told Allen, that if the world doesn't end 12/21/12 then my new years resolution will be to start really... RUNNING.
I know that next year it'll be easier, I'll have more time to do it and hopefully a little money saved up so I can throw the babies in some kind of Mommy's day out bull crap or something so I don't go INSANE.
That's a giant excuse. I'm scared to start right now. I don't think I'll be good at it right now... my ankles are super weak and my right one actually still hurts when I turn or pivot a certain way from like, 4 months ago when I rolled it. I feel like this is another excuse too... I am just scared of running. LOL 

Hopefully that'll be me someday. :)