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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Measurement day! First and Last.

I was weighed and measured yesterday. I'm not SUPER disappointed, because I know that it could have been worse and wasn't completely my fault. I weigh the same as I did last month. 156. My inches are still going down, which is GREAT and I lost like a pound of body fat so I think I'm carrying a lot of water weight. Now that I'm able to work out again, I'm going to do it! lol I need to get back into the frame of mind that got me to 156... 126 here I come! 
I need to focus again on my portion control., I've gotten lax with it because I felt like "this is what I usually eat, I don't have to measure." Bullshit. My eyes are bigger than my stomach, and I'm going to start using my dang measuring cups again. With Allen off on weekends now, we order out more too. So, I'm going to either STOP that altogether, or let him get what he wants and I'll get subway. I have been making my own samaches at home recently., Wheat bread, toasted, with provolone cheese (reduced fat), chicken breast on the bread as its toasting, add lettuce, tomato and a tea spoon of miracle whip. Saves money and is just as good. LOL :) 
I'm going to have a bad ass breakfast tomorrow for me and the kids. Eggs, Turkey Bacon, Oatmeal and toast and jelly. (toast and jelly is for kids.) and TONS of water! Excited already. :) 

So, I'm getting kinda stressed about the upcoming weeks. My birthday is in a few days, Allen will be going to NM within the next week, we're getting married 10/11/12, so we have to buy our marriage license. SOON. Side note, those things are freaking expensive! in Texas its $75.00! Killin me. Anyways., then we're going on our honeymoon, which will be AWESOME. No idea where we're going yet, but I know it'll be 3 FULL nights without the kids, and we're going to drink. I'm pretty sure I can get Allen to bring our xbox too so we can play Halo. LOL lame. We're not exactly rollin in the dough though. OH and my moms moving to a house about 25-30 mins away! I don't think I ask her much to watch the kids now, but I'll never get a break with her being that far away. LOL I need a daycare that will watch them for like 2 hours a day, and not charge 400$. 
Thats nuts. N.U.T.S. 
Gunna get ready to go to Curves, I've felt SUPER lazy today. Gotta go change that. 
I need this! 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Holy Crap... What happened?!

I haven't really worked out in 3 days. Not Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday! I feel super guilty.. I haven't really been bad on my diet though. I've eaten healthy sammaches at Subway, and my tilapia with rice. It still worries me when I don't work out for a few days. I've worked super hard to get this crap off, and I'll be damned if I let a little pain make it come back. 

We got a rescue kitty today. His name is Skeeter. He's GOT to be the smallest 11wk old kitty I've ever seen. 

I've never really posted a before picture of me on here.. and I should. I just hardly have any. I never really took pictures when I was 193lbs. I was the one TAKING the pics. Lets see what I can find. 
This is one from December of 2011. It's really hard for me to look at it. My house is a mess, and I'm... I'm huge. O_o
 This... is like July of 2011... I honestly didn't even know I had this on my computer until just now. I'm appalled at how big I had let myself get. We had just left a Chinese buffet in Seguin Tx. *Places I do not go anymore*
This is JUNE 1ST 2012. I started this weight loss Journey January 23rd 2012. I'll post another pic of me more recently soon.. I just gotta get an area of the house clean. LOL :) 
Its freaking 12:30 and my almost 27 year old going on 60 year old body wants to go to bed. Hopefully this dang kitty doesn't do anything too annoying tonight. Hes already proven to have VERY good lungs. O_O
........................Punching Kittys is BAD. 

ps.. going on a bike ride tomorrow, AND running a mile. Maybe not a 14 min mile, but, a mile. :D

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Couldn't Run Through the Pain....

Today, I had some HORRIBLE lower back pain. I just KNOW because of the freaking hormone therapy I was on for 2 months. I gave that shit up after the horrible nightmares I was having and the mood swings and hot flashes. No thanks.. I'll have to self medicate this pain until Allen and I tie the knot 10/11/12. Then I'll finally be on his insurance and I'll be able to get looked at for real. Instead of the "well we don't want to do anything because you're not on insurance" BS I got last time I went to the Dr. I'm pretty sure my ovaries HATE me and my uterus must too. No worries. These cysts and other crap will be taken care of soon enough. 

I wanted to run today. But I've been sidelined due to pain. I've taken 2 Tylenol, 2 Pamprin and a damn Valium and the only thing it helped was... nothing. It just made me lethargic. ugh. Tomorrow is a new day, hopefully the pain will have subsided by then and I can get back into the garage on my treadmill running my heart out. 
I'm not going to lie... my thighs are thankful for the break. haha

ALSO... tomorrow, SHOULD be my weigh in day. Lea Anne will be going out of town tomorrow, so she won't to the measurements, SHE did hers yesterday and she murdered our goal of the double digit weight loss by losing 11 POUNDS in a month! Beast mode! THAT is why she's an awesome trainer. Not only does she know what it takes to lose weight, shes been there, and STILL doing it. She knows all the struggles and disappointments that come with it too. Thank GOD I have her help with food and nutritional info. 

I joined a group on facebook today called Stacy's Healthy Friends... ( someone reads my blog on there and I can inspire someone as much as I've been inspired by others. I know I'm not perfect, but I do know a little bit.. Learning from the best! :D ... Still, the BEST advice I've ever gotten, DRINK TONS OF WATER. lol 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Forrest Gump... I'm not him.

Yesterday I shaved a minute off my 17 minute mile... today I shaved 2 more off. That's right, 14 minutes and I ran a mile. I don't think it's going to get any better than that. LOL not soon anyways. Thats OK though, I'm good with a 14 minute mile. Even if today is the only day I do it that fast. lol If I'm going to run this 1/2 marathon in March, I need to work more on endurance than speed anyways. I just need to be able to get through 13 miles! 
I don't know how Forrest Gump ran the way he did. lol My poor legs want to just die. I think a lot of it is because I'm running in the damn garage too. Its flipping hot out there man. I have a good fan blowing on me, with my water on the treadmill, but dang. It's hot! I'm thinking that when it cools down a little, and stops raining so much, I'll take that treadmill outside on the back patio and plug it in out there. At least then I'll be outside, getting some sun and out of the dang garage. 
I've had some trouble with my motivation this past week... I'll tell ya, that Papa John's knows what they're doing when it comes to making bread sticks. That's my weakness. For some people, it's chocolate, sodas, pasta, cookies, sweets, whatever... for me.. BREAD. Garlic bread, bread sticks, pizza crust... omg it's so freaking good. :( I KNOW they have to be like a million calories and TONS of carbs... I'm going to google it right now......

OK, so not as bad as I thought, but still.. not GREAT! 
Serving size is 2 sticks. There are 340 calories per serving and 10g of fat. Not to mention 720mg of SODIUM... yikes. However, still not as bad as I figured. so, I don't feel AS bad anymore. Still, I need to reign in my diet a little. I've fallen away from it due to stress and I need to get back into the swing of things. I have been eating breakfast, snack, lunch, snack and dinner... and I NEVER eat after 8pm anymore. I haven't done that in a while though... I weigh in soon at Curves and I'm afraid I didn't hit my double digit weight loss this month. I've tried but not as hard as I could have. BUT....
I'm fully committed to getting this last 30lbs or so off... I know it's going to be hard, and I need to stop making excuses. I cheat on my diet so duh, I'm not going to get the weight loss I want. But I justify the cheating by saying "oh I'll run it off tomorrow..." or "I'll work out a little more today" I'm never going to get anywhere if I keep up with this crap. Now I'm angry at myself. It's on like donkey kong. The gloves are off, No more cheating, and I'm back to counting calories religiously. If I want this weight off, I have to work it off. dang it. 

I'm reading a book right now called the Harbinger. It's a pretty good book so far. Its basically about how events from today are exactly like what happened to Ancient Israel 2000 years ago. I have an issue though.. The author says that God has lifted his veil of protection from America because we're falling away from Him., And that now, because the veil is lifted, our enemies can breach our defenses and hurt us. The Author says 9/11 is when this happened. Nuh uhh... what about Pearl Harbor? That was a direct and very deliberate attack on US soil that claimed many lives. Not to mention the world trade centers have been bombed before. Maybe I'm missing something when it comes to how the book perceives the 9/11 attacks... Maybe the ancient vow of judgement is only in regards to the Continental US. ?? IDK...  Once I get past that in my brain though, Its a good book. A lot of what the Author says makes sense. And it's VERY eerie.

In part of the book, it says how after 9/11 it seemed that things had changed.. People were going to church again, Praying for people again... Like they had all heard a quiet voice calling them to come back towards God.. Then the shock wore off, and all America wants to do is get bigger, better, stronger than before. The book is basically saying that by rebuilding, the way we're rebuilding, is like defying the calling of God. So God's going to keep trying to wake America up by letting their enemies penetrate and harm us. 

OH and the bible talks about Zombies... just fyi... 

Isaiah 9:19 "The land will be blackened by the fury of the Lord of Heaven's Armies. The people will be fuel for the fire, and no one will spare even his own brother. 20:They will attack their neighbor on the right, but will still be hungry. They will devour their neighbor on the left but will not be satisfied. In the end they will even eat their own children."


Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Running! The 17min mile.

I don't know whats going on with me today... I've been in a "mood" all day long. All WEEK long... I'm sure it's going to come out in this blog and sorry for that but like I said at the beginning of this, this is MY BLOG, this is where I vent... and I do that best in front of a keyboard. so... Here goes.

I ran a mile today. 17 minutes and I ran a mile. I'm going to start training for a half marathon that takes place next March. Lea Anne was telling me about it... Something Desert something. It will be a 13 mile run. At the pace I'm going now, I'd be running for like 3 hours. LOL I don't see that happening right now. I'll work up to it though. No worries. 
I've been really stressed out the past few weeks. I don't know if I'm going to make my double digit weight loss this month or not. I haven't weighed myself in forever, and I know my diet hasn't been the best. I have to stop making excuses and just do it. Like everything else in my life right now. My weight loss, my saving up for a honeymoon, my saving up for a house, paying off this piece of SHIT jeep... I just have to do it. 

The saying goes, Money doesn't buy happiness... but it sure would make being happy a LOT fucking easier right now. Ran the jeep through Kelly Blue Book last night, it's WORTH $5200 in excellent condition. We OWE $11,300 on that stupid ass piece of junk. Just typing it, make me want to throw up. If we were to trade it in, they'd give us like $4200. That is just one of my issues I'm trying to deal with. We're currently renting a 3 bedroom house for $900... We're a family of 5. We had already outgrown this house the day we moved into it. But it's the only thing that was available and in a good neighborhood. 

My credit is FUCKED thanks to being young, and completely stupid, and marrying someone I had a kid with instead of marrying someone I was in love with. What I thought was love, was just my need to put a label on what was going on in my life at the moment. I had a 6 month old baby boy, and a "baby daddy". I didn't want to have a "baby daddy." Looking back, I'm not sure if I ever even LOVED Fern.. He was my high school sweet heart, we moved in together 3 months after graduation and the story goes downhill from there. The best thing I got from him was Jacob. 
This was when Jacob was just a little older than Hailey. 

NOW, my ex-husband's dumb ass doesn't pay his shit, so anything we had joint, or that he put my name on is also on my credit. Like his lasik surgery... $3000 is listed as a damn charge off just because I cosigned for him to be able to better himself and fix his sight, we divorced shortly after that and he stopped paying it. Now I'm paying for it in the worst way. I never thought I'd be a 26, almost 27 year old mom of 3, and not own my own home yet. THAT, is killing me. I've been saving for our honeymoon for about 4 months now, and I've got $190 saved. It's going to take me YEARS to save up to buy a house. Unless we hit the lottery, which I don't see happening. We'll probably have to put down at least 10% when we get a house, and that's going to be fucking impossible.... 

Damn... Told you I was in a mood. I can't even stand myself when I'm in this kind of mood. I guess I just get ran down thinking about everything we don't have but that we want, or need. We NEED to pay off this Jeep, we NEED a bigger house,.
It's like, We have so much that we need to save up for but its fucking impossible to save up for anything when you have 3 kids.
playing the worlds smallest violin. ugh

This is why you're supposed to meet the person of your dreams, get married, buy the car, the house, and THEN have the kids... Doing everything backwards just makes everything so hard. I didn't intend on doing it backwards, thats just how it happened. Thank GOD we don't have money issues or that would be the straw that broke the camels back and I'd go eat my OLD weight in greasy junk food. I thank GOD everyday that Allen got this job. I was reading my older blogs from before he had this job and man, we were barely scraping by. Now we have the money we need to pay our bills, but with 3 kids, constantly fixing something on the jeep, buying diapers, new clothes because they're outgrowing the old ones, and everything else we have to keep up with saving money is a joke. 

OK, I'm done with the pity party...Now that I've had a chance to vent, maybe my head will be more clear, and I'll be able to focus on shit better.
 Tomorrow is going to be a better day damn it. I'm making Fish for supper tonight, with rice and green beans or something IDFK. something healthy and yummy.

We're winning the lotto tonight. damn it.

I need to listen to this song more....

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Sunday Funday!

Today has been a good day so far! Allen has been busting out the side work for our honeymoon savings, AND my diet is going good today. I had 2 eggs for breakfast with some chocolate milk (fat free) and a few bites of the kid's Strawberry Lots of water too! Oh, and I just found out Allen is on his way home with our Landlords truck to do some MORE side work for some MORE money! or... maybe some $$$ off of rent! LOL Whatever man, that will help too, or maybe hes going to come fix these leaky windows... or the roof... or possibly the hot water heater. LOL whatever. 

I got a yoga mat yesterday, which means that I can give Lea Anne HER'S back. lol  I also need to buy a wii Active game too, because I have that of hers too. I hate that game though. I'll be spending money on something that is almost like torture. Jump squats, high knees, running, its not something that you really want to do when you're thinking "hey.. I'm going to play some wii..." but, it works! 

I updated the face of my blog today as well... For all of you like 3 people that read this. My mom, Aunty and the random person thats scanning though blogger. haha! The previous layout I had was pissing me off. This one is pretty. 

This next story has the word Fuck a lot. so don't read it if you don't like it.

OMG so I was driving today on a 5 lane road that we have here in Angelo, its a major road here... and there is a center lane for turning ONLY... Some fucking jackwad on the left side of the road, wanted to turn left so they pulled into the turning lane and started driving there till cars passed so they could get all the way over onto the other side of the road. Well, I happen to have my blinker on, turning into the place they were turning out of, and my Jeep almost had a come to Jesus meeting with their stupid ass Nissan. I should have fucking rammed that piece of shit jeep right into the side of that stupid ass Xterra. I fucking hate that jeep anyways. They're luuuucky I had the kids in the car... So. I honked and my windows were down due to lack of ac, and their windows were down so i yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU FUCKING DOING!?!?" .... and then I remembered my kids were in the car. LOL dang it. Road rage being handed down. lol 

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Stronger, Thinner, Happier!

Kelly Clarkson is right. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I'm sure she never intended this song to be a work out anthem, but it works GREAT when your on your last 2 minutes of a 20 min run. 
I know... 20 minutes doesn't seem like a long run.. but I'm going to start off slow.. and work up to hours! 

I decided last night that I was going to get a treadmill. I want to run. I want to run a 5k. Then, I want to run a 10k. I would LOVE to run a marathon! I'm going to run a marathon! 
This morning, I got a treadmill off of Facebook for 50$. There is a site here in my town that is kinda like Craigslist, but on Facebook. I put an update just saying 'hey... searching for a treadmill.. hit me up.' and about an hour later, bam! I've got a treadmill. :) I'm very excited. This is a new day.

I haven't been this motivated about losing weight or doing something in a very long time. It feels really good. I'm also going to bust out my damn blender and start making protein shakes. Lea Anne thinks that I probably need to up my protein intake and I can TOTALLY see that being true. lol Thank GOD I have her to help me, otherwise I feel like I would have failed a long long time ago. People keep telling me that I need to take credit for my weight loss alone, but I haven't done it alone. If it wasn't for her keeping me in line sometimes and pushing me to reach goals, I'd be 20lbs heavier. If it wasn't for Allen making sure I'm sticking to my portions, I wouldn't be as far along as I am today either. I'm very lucky to have people in my life that care about my weight loss and understand how important it is to me. <3 Eternally Grateful. 

Lea Anne liked a pic the other day on Facebook that led me to a blog of a really inspirational story. One that I hope to come close to! Its This girl is AMAZING. I'm very excited to start doing all of this. I hope that within the next few months I'm able to run with Lea Anne... that bitch runs for like, hours though. LOL we'll see. I might die on the first time out. O_o 
Here's to Chunking Deuces to inches!!! I've lost like 37 or something to date! woot woot! I still am trying for my double digit weight loss this month. I have till the 20th to get this done. I'm hoping now that I have this treadmill its going to be a smidgen easier. ALSO, tomorrow I'm going to go on a bike ride.. I'm contemplating going to the KOA, which is full of hills n shit, but its also by the lake so it'd be pretty. The hills are scary though. I'm not going to lie at all. I'm seriously scared to go on a bike ride at the KOA. lol It might just be a bike ride around the neighborhood. :) 

You can tell how excited I am about this treadmill because this blog is ALL about my weight loss! I'm done with it for now... I can smell my laptop. Not like, because its hot.. but because its freaking smoking, and I don't want it to explode on my lap! 

I'm going to be biking tomorrow and Monday morning.. maybe Tuesday morning too.. I'll probably update my blog again around those days... unless something amazing happens. 

Monday, September 3, 2012

Just Some Junk.

According to my Wii Fit board, I've lost another 1.2 lbs. SO, IF that thing is correct, I have 5 pounds to lose in the next 17 days. I've got to stop letting myself cheat here and there. I need to cut back on my carbs. :( That is going to be soooo hard. I love carbs soooo much. This is not going to be a blog about my weight loss by the way.. just in case you were wondering. lol 

Allen and I bought a love seat and sofa this past weekend and its AWESOME. Its got 4 recliners and two of them rock... Literally rock. Also, we have cup holders now! As awesome as they are though, they're bringing me TONS of stress. I am pretty sure I need to talk to a therapist or something about this buyers remorse I have. 
Buyer's remorse is the sense of regret after having made a purchase. It is frequently associated with the purchase of an expensive item such as a car or house. It may stem from fear of making the wrong choice, guilt over extravagance, or a suspicion of having been overly influenced by the seller.[1]

Yep... Thats me. Anytime we spend money on stuff we don't NEED I feel super guilty. Pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday I was freaking out about it. I just keep thinking, we could have bought the kids lots of new clothes, or could have gotten Jacob a bike, or new clothes for Allen and I, or attempted to fix the AC in the jeep.... again.. All the coulda woulda shouldas kill me. I'm a mess. 

So, I've gotten Allen to start taking CoQ10 for his issues hes having. He's been taking it for 3 days, and already his hands aren't swollen like they were and he can grasp things without it hurting him. I had no idea it would help his hands! Just an added bonus. :) 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

The Big Fork.

 I feel like I'm at that stupid fork in the road where I'm either going to buckle down and make this weight loss my bitch, or I'm going to LET myself get lazy and I'm going to start yoyoing. I'm totally ignoring my 'I'm full so stop fucking eating' sensor during dinner, and I'm not drinking the water I should be. It's not that I don't want to lose anymore weight, I want to be able to say 'I've lost 50lbs!' I would be a solid 142 and maybe around a size 12ish. 

I got on the wii fit the other day, and it's been a few weeks since I was last on.. Anyways, I expected a movement in my weight. I figured it would have gone up since the last time because I'd been over eating here and there and not on my game with working out 100%. It was the same. No upwards movements, no downwards movements. That's almost worse than going up a little. lol I HATE not feeling like I'm making any progress. 

We're eating Baked French's Onion Chicken tonight with corn and probably mac n cheese. I'm considering eating a small salad with it so I don't over eat the stupid Mac N cheese. It's so good though. :-\ UGH. 
mmmmmm cheese.......

I can do it! I'm going to use my awesome measuring cup again, and NOT pile that shit on my plate. I'll make the plates tonight too, and I'll give the babies and Jacob more than usual, so there's not as much left over when I serve myself. If I'm going to do that, I might as well just put spoonfuls on the floor. Since that's where its going to end up anyways. Dang Children. 

Speaking of Children... I've watched Tangled about 9 times in the past few days. Hailey LOVES that movie. It really grows on you though. Its one of the few Disney Pixar movies that doesn't have adult innuendos sprinkled throughout the film. I like just regular ole kid friendly movies. It doesn't have to be slightly dirty like Ice Age or Shrek lol (Those are good ones too though!) 

I don't think I'll be going to Curves today. I really need an hourly daycare drop in center here! I miss the one in Austin SOOOOO much! 

Friday, August 24, 2012

Today is the DAY!

I worked out a fair amount yesterday.. Thank goodness because I don't know if I'll be able to make it to Curves. But, I feel like I ate really good yesterday. Lots of water and healthy crap. I feel like I ate pretty much all day yesterday too thanks to the snacks (carrots and grapes) I had. Today I'm not sure how great I'll be. So far, I've had some mini wheats cereal and a glass of chocolate milk. lol I'll be running around a lot today so I'll try to pack snacks. 

I've got Jacob's Meet the Teacher today at 12. SO excited that he'll be going into the 2nd grade! That means in just 3 short years, Hailey and Ethan will be starting school too. Yikes. I don't want to think about all those school supplies, school clothes, all the money on lunches and crap omg we're going to be broke. lol 

So, We've been turned down for a house because our credit scores aren't where they're supposed to be. I kinda figured that would happen.. I'm ok about it though, now we're going to get to go on our HONEYMOON in OCTOBER to the BEACH. Provided there is no hurricane during that time. lol 

I have court today to finally get divorced from my first kids' dad. LOL isn't that some backwoods sounding shit? I'm legally still married, but have 2 kids by another guy I'm already engaged to. Sounds horrible on paper. LOL Divorces are expensive though guys! I tried to do it on my own twice, and the first time the judge yelled at me for how I was dressed and told me to try again. I was in slacks and a dressy blouse thing, but BUT I made the mistake of wearing a hoodie INSIDE the court room. I had it off by the time my cause number was called, but he was still holding a grudge. It was like March in Austin... kinda chilly man!

 Anyways my 3rd attempt is today at 2. I have to meet my lawyer at his office at 1:30, so that gives me limited time to spend with Jacob at his Meet The Teacher thing. I hope we can at least find out where his classroom is, his seat, and where to drop off and pick up. The school he's going to, is getting a face lift and there is construction EVERYWHERE. It's a giant clusterfuck over there in the mornings and afternoons. I'm not looking forward to that shit at all. ugh. 

The weather is supposed to be perfect and rainy all day today. I hate that I have to get out in it and try to look decent. Humidity and my hair have a long time feud going on. Hopefully I don't look like a lion by the time I have to be in court. HA! 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

My weigh in!

I was weighed and measured again yesterday. I'm still losing, so I'm not really freaking out yet, but I only lost 4 pounds last month. I GAINED half an inch in my arms which is bad ass considering its muscle growth from all my lifting. haha

This is the little print out that I get when I get weighed and measured, I loooove looking at the downward slope! :D 
The red lined graph is INCHES!
Might be kinda fuzzy, but whatever, I already know what it says. lol
I got a good talk in with my friend/coach Lea Anne at Curves too. This past month I've slacked off super bad. It's really helpful when someone on the outside sees that too, and calls me out. LOL I've reached my goal of 30lbs lost now, I've got to reset the goals in my head, and relight the fire that was there when I started losing the weight. This month I have a big goal of a double digit weight loss. I haven't done that since March-April! Hopefully I don't let myself down and come up short. I'm going to push myself super hard this month. I'm going to be putting my fitness FIRST, every day. No matter how late I have to go to Curves, I'm going to try to go every day. 

By this time next year I hope to be a healthy 130ish pounds and toned. That doesn't seem all that unattainable. The toning part is going a lot slower than I thought it would. I'm constantly lifting weights and crap and I'm just now able to see it in my arms. I know I still have some fat to lose so I'm not super trippin. 
I'm super lucky to have people in my life that are encouraging me. I probably would have given up a while back. lol There is no getting fat again after I reach my goal though. I can't. My engagement ring is a size smaller, and in order to keep wearing it, I have to stay the size I am now, or smaller. lol That's not exactly something I can just go get re-sized whenever I want. 

Speaking of my engagement ring,.. Allen and I have set a date FO SHO of 10/11/12. :) Depending on if we get qualified for a house we're looking at or not, we're going to be going to Port A for our honey moon. There is a motel RIGHT on the ocean for 80$ a night. It's got a full kitchen, dining room and bedroom off on the side and a full living room.. It'll be perfect! IF we get qualified for this house, we're using that money to put as a down payment on it. I'll keep you slightly updated on that situation.. I don't want to get my hopes up too much, I've already stressed about it to the point where I have a freaking fever blister. ugh.
That freaking house is perfect though. 4 bedrooms 2 bathrooms, all updated, it even has a swing set and jungle gym in the back yard already. <3 perfect. Just another situation to let go and let God. 
This is still true. I was reminded again yesterday. 

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


What is 41.5? Whats that have to do with anything? 

THAT is the size of my abdomen, in inches. That's what it was 7/20 and that's what it STILL is right now. I'm getting SUPER annoyed with it. I'm getting angry with myself for not being more on top of things. I'm starting to 'cheat' a little more than usual.. but maybe that's because I'm more stressed? IDK but it's over today. I had fruit for breakfast with some cheese, and a water, now I'm having a small bean and cheese burrito thing from smart ones, and probably Spaghetti later. No worries there, I have my food scale that I fully tend on using from today on, and my   measuring cup. I will not be having any cheese with this meal. LOL 
Unless you're my mom and you're chewing gum, then it's super hard. LOL ;)

I need someone walking behind me constantly telling me to drink some damn water. I don't drink anything all day it seems. Then for supper it's usually tea, unless Allen gets a wild hair up his ass to make me drink water. This past weekend, I've drank only water and I feel a lot better than I did last week. Lets see if I can keep it up...Maybe I can get this stupid 41.5 to shrink. It's weird! Last week my wii fit said I'd lost 5.5 pounds. From where? Not there. Not my ass. ugh. 
That number is haunting me. 

So, today is another day, (It's Tuesday morning.) I started this blog yesterday. That's usually what I do though, I'll start a blog and get distracted by a mess or a kid making a mess and forget. Anyways... last night I was telling my local cable provider, SUDDENLINK to set up a disconnect date for Thursday and then suddenly my cable doesn't work. Looks like I'll be out of excuses to play with the kids till Wednesday afternoon when Dish Network will be here.

aaaaand now it's lunch time Tuesday afternoon. lol I'm having cantaloupe. <3. Well, I'm having half of one anyways. I don't know if I'll have time for Curves today since Allen has to go to the store after work again today. There is always something stupid we forget and have to go back for the next day. This time though, we've had to make like 8 trips because there's something small we missed the day before... Toilet paper, shaving cream, dish soap... all the things you should NEVER forget ever. Stupid crap.

I guess I'll go ahead and end the blog here.. The kids are napping, I have no cable, except the channels that the Olympics are on. Which, aren't all that bad this year. I actually enjoyed the diving and stuff. I'll go and eat my cantaloupe alone on the couch in the dark till the kids wake up. :D I'm lying, I'm going to listen to Michael Jackson and probably lift weights. lol 

Oh, and a side note, I got on my wii fit this morning, and I've gained 2.5lbs since last week... NO WONDER the 41.5 is still hanging around. Its because I LET it. UGH 

Friday, August 3, 2012

5 pound surprise.

I got an amazing little surprise yesterday. I jumped on the Wii Fit to play some games for the kids, and did my little weight assessment thing. I got weighed and measured July 20th, and as of yesterday, I had gone down another 5.5 lbs. I haven't measured myself in a few days, so I don't know if I'm losing inches.
Anyways, I started feeling really fat a few days ago so I figured I had gained a little weight or something. To my surprise I didn't! I was really scared that the hormone therapy I'm taking was going to cause me to gain weight. They haven't yet.

I went to my "Female Dr." a month or so ago, and had an exam done because I've been in some excruciating pain. Like, bent over in tears not being able to move kinda pain. I have no insurance, so she wouldn't do anything more than really talk to me. She had 4 months of free samples of Lo Loestrin Fe and some other hormone I'm taking and I have to say, not too thrilled with it so far. Its supposed to get everything under control, and manage my pain... it doesn't. EVER. I've only been on it for one cycle of pills... so I'm hoping this set of pills will be different. If they don't work, AFTER I get on Allen's insurance, I have to have a uterine biopsy, where they'll probably have to do some kind of Abdominal Ablation... and if THAT doesn't work, she said a hysterectomy will be next depending on what the uterine biopsy says.. She said I'm pretty young to get any kind of cancer, but its not impossible, and with the amount of pain I have there are a few other things it could be.
I've decided that I've got some serious goals to set. I have gone this whole time losing weight, with one ultimate goal... My goal weight for myself is 135ish... nothing more than 135. I'm at 153 right now. I STARTED at 192. (which is still CRAZY to me.) I told Allen, that if the world doesn't end 12/21/12 then my new years resolution will be to start really... RUNNING.
I know that next year it'll be easier, I'll have more time to do it and hopefully a little money saved up so I can throw the babies in some kind of Mommy's day out bull crap or something so I don't go INSANE.
That's a giant excuse. I'm scared to start right now. I don't think I'll be good at it right now... my ankles are super weak and my right one actually still hurts when I turn or pivot a certain way from like, 4 months ago when I rolled it. I feel like this is another excuse too... I am just scared of running. LOL 

Hopefully that'll be me someday. :)

Sunday, July 29, 2012


I'm not gunna lie, I love me some Chick-Fil-A. Now a days not so much with the dieting and junk, but still, Monday through Saturday, if I were to eat out, I'd pick them. Unless I had to eat something cheap.. then its Subway. Which is usually the case.
Anyways, the recent issues with the creator.... owner guy Mr. Cathy, have annoyed me beyond belief. Yes, I do disagree with him, I believe love is love, whether it's between a man and a woman, a woman and woman, or a man and man... It doesnt matter if you love them.

I'm just sayin... I'm going to be MIGHTY pissed off if all this crap gets either of the two in my town, shut down. There is only ONE that is a drive through! (It does have two drive through windows, but still.) and the other is in the "Food Court" of our stupid and stinky mall! I'm dead serious when I say, that I'll be very angry. lol
idiots. LOL

There is also the point that I don't think boycotting a family owned business is going to "teach him a thing or two." Its going to hurt our already crumbling economy, with stores already being shut down in areas, and being refused building permits in others. Thats a lot of jobs you freaking idiots. The jobs to build the joint, the jobs to create the staff to run it... I bet you're all the same people that voted for Obama. Just some morons going with the newest fad.

Get over it.. Its food.. and its SUPER good food. No, he doesnt believe in gay marriage.. but if you found out the CEO of Bank of America thought the same, would you pull all your money from them?? What about Walmart? I know not one person would boycott a damn walmart because of this. Get over yourselvs... Everyone has an opinion, and a right to it... and I guess you could argue the fact that boycotting them is your opinion to his opinion or something, but its stupid. :)

End Rant.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

32 Pounds and counting!

As of 7/20/2012 I am down to 160 lbs. Thats an overall weight loss of 32 lbs!  I've lost 28...almost 29 inches but I feel like im about to hit a wall.
 I put on some shorts today that are usually lose on me but they were kind of tight this morning. It's time to focus. I know I've been slacking off. Last night I ate more than usual, I could tell, I was stuffed. What makes it worse is that it was Spaghetti! I did only eat one slice of wheat garlic toast but I know I over did it with the spaghetti. :( That and I've been doing a shitty job of keeping up with drinking my water. I think I'm getting lazy because I know how hard its about to really get.
Thats what I feel like... ugh
I'm about to be super busy with Jacob going back to school, homework, Curves, my regular daily workout I do here at home, Hailey and ET being up my butt constantly, I need to find a better double stroller. One I can jog with. That way, I can drop Jacob off at school and then pop the babies in the stroller and jog around the block or something.

I'm discouraged already! I don't know whats going on with me or my motivation. I'm lacking it bad. :(
Thats what I have to remember. I've lost 32 Pounds!!! I know I can do it. I've been doing it for the past 7 months. I just have to KEEP doing it. My friend LeaAnne (also my Curves coach, but more like a friend now) has invited me to run a 5K in about 7 weeks. I really dont know if I have what it takes. So far, up to this point, my weight loss has been at my pace. I didn't really have a "goal" when I started, I just knew I wanted to be smaller. I'm scared of setting a goal and not being ABLE to finish it. 3.something miles is scary for someone who hasn't run long distance in like 10 years. and THATS NOT EVEN LONG!

For shits n gigs I ran to my moms house the other day to get the babies, and I want to make this clear, my mom literally lives AROUND the corner. I'm talking like, 4 houses maybe 5... and yeah, I was about to die when I got there. Talk about pathetic.

This whole blog feels like I'm trying to convince myself that I can keep up the good work. I'm more than halfway to where I want to be and I'm unhappy.. wtf... Maybe it's the hormone therapy I'm on.. Thats another blog for another time. =-\ Also, I'll be putting up pics and blogging about our family vacay to Mustang Island (Port A.) and Jacob's birthday is today. My biggest kiddo is 7 years told today. I can't freaking believe it.

Holy CRAP time is flying by.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

eh. just junk.

Allen will be gone for a whole week. I sure hope they change his schedule back the way it was woo. Lol Hailey and ET act like little hooligans when hes gone. Tiny Dictators walking around...ugh. I do kinda like when Allen's gone because I tend to do better with working out and diets when hes gone. When hes home, its easier to just sit and watch Tv or play with the kids instead of working out. Lol. With him gone I can play the wii active game without listening to him whine. :).
This is super hard for me to do on this kindle. I have to use HTML for crap and just pushing enter doesn't make a new paragraph. Ugh. I cant wait to get to Curves tomorrow. I wanna lose a little more weight in the next 8 days lol. We'll be headed to Port Aransas July 10th! And coming home July 12th. I'm super excited. Hopefully the kids don't stress me out even more while were there. Its totally possible. Id blog a lot more but its driving me crazy. I NEEDS A LAPTOP!!

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Austin TX

Jacob is in ATX till July 27th. Hes been there since the 10th of June. Stupid custody orders say hes gotta go so I suppose I have to let him. Although I'm 100% sure I miss him WAY more than he misses any of us.. Monday I have to go take some 'for kid's sake' class for the divorce to get finalized. Its only been 3 and a half years coming. Ugh.

My friend Rachel made that awesome picture for me. Whoever watches Impractical Jokers knows that reference.

This was APRIL!! Ill post a newer pic of me ...whenever. I'll try tomorrow- but I'm not making promises. I had a mini breakdown... lol that's all I can think to call it. All of our bills are paid, and July rent is paid already. But for some reason, I was freaking out. I still don't have stupid AC in the Jeep so the kids and I are home. ALL DAY. We have NO shade in the yard or id let them play outside but at 103* outside its too hot to do anything without shade. We also need to finish paying off Allen's tires before they charge all kinds of interest. O_o

well lookie there folks… its 7. That means its tome for the babies to take a bath and get the bowel to Bsd. LOL ...Oh I did Wii active today, kicked my ass. Like my legs were wobbly as shit when I was done... I loved it. <3 I love being sore from working out. It hurts like hell but feels goooooooooood. :)

Friday, June 22, 2012

Weekends are the worst...

Maybe not for much longer though. I play my Wii Fit a lot because it also keeps the kids entertained. Lea Anne is letting me borrow a Wii Active game with the thigh strap for the remote and the band thingy. I'm definitely trying it out tomorrow.

I really REALLY hate blogging on my kindle. If only they HAD AN APP FOR KINDLE!!!! Stupid Blogger...

I burned 500 calories today! I wasn't even on an "alternate workout" day. On an average, I'd guess that I burn between 400-450+ calories a workout... ive only hit 500 one other time. I didn't eat very good today though. Well WHAT I ate was good... I just didn't eat MUCH today. That gets me in trouble. Lol "That's all I have to say about that." -Best movie ever....

I did this whole stupid blog in HTML. Ugh.... Anyways, the kids really miss their daddy. At subway today Hailey said she missed her daddy then asked ET if he missed him too. Lol killed me.
The reason hes gone is that the job he got in the oil field, is now sending him to NM for a week at a time to get their wells up and going. Apparently he got hired on at the perfect time..because the company is expanding like crazy. Everyones really impressed with him. His boss's boss sends him text messages telling him how good hes doing and crap. I'm just glad hes found a place that hes happy with and gives recognitions for hard work.
ok going to bed!!! I'll blog tomorrow maybe about where Jacob is and will be till the day before he turns 7!!!

I miss it

I really miss blogging. I have done really good on my diet so far. I'm down 26lbs. And like 20.5 inches. My weight is at 166 now. I've met a lot of really inspiring people over the last few months too. LeaAnne- a coach at Curves, is just the bomb diggity. She finished a half Ironman, she rides her bike like 60+ miles a day, goes to the gym and busts ass. She is someone I definitely look up to when it comes to weight loss and advice on foods and fitness. "Water is the key" she says... and its the truth!!! When I weighed in a few months ago I set a goal with her to drink 64oz of water a day. The first month I started doin that- bam! 10lbs gone! It felt AWESOME to watch the scale go fro. 187 to 177 fa sho! I have given up on diet soda. They're the devil. Ive pretty much replaced all soda with water. I did slack off last month...which is why I think I only lost 5 lbs. Its on though..I'm back on track now dang it. I also got an awesome cruiser bike. Yes... it gets ridden. We even got a trailer for allen to carry them in on the back of his bike!

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Measurement Day!!!

So, I went to Curves yesterday and they did my measurements and weighed me and crap.. I have not lost as much as I'd LIKE, but I'll take it... I weigh 187, and I've lost 2 1/2 lbs of body fat. I've lost 1.5 or 2 inches from my waist....I don't remember how many really its on the paper I got before I left, so I'll update it later. LOL Anyways, I'm proud that I've lost 5 lbs without really changing my diet at first... Now that I'm really focused on the working out part, All I have to do is get the eating under control and I'll be good to go. 
That pic really makes me laugh. LOL Oh, Jacob has a Teddy Bear picnic Friday during lunch.. We're all going to go and have lunch with him picnic style, and he'll get to stuff his own teddy bear. I wish I got to do stuff like that when I was in grade school...  I just never remember there being cool stuff like that happening during school. lol
Hes been doing better in school lately too, only because now at the end of the week, if hes gotten a golden star every day, we can go get a small toy Saturday... That kid will do anything for some Legos. We're also teaching him how to vacuum and once a week hes going to do his room. He can choose whatever day he wants, but it has to be done, and IF he does it without being told, he'll get a dollar. lol He actually really enjoyed picking days of the week he would vacuum. Silly little kiddo.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012


I burned 459 calories with my workout yesterday. A whole 33 minutes and I burned off a MEAL. :D well in calories anyways. Not to mention all the extra stuff I did yesterday too... NON stop movement lol. I even had a kid sized plate for my dinner! :) No, I didn't just make it into a mountain. LOL
Watch out, he looks serious about that food! LOL .... Why do men always feel the need to eat like that? I remember when I was a kid, and we would go to like, Taco Bell or something, my dad would order like 10 crunchy tacos... just for himself. I'm good after like, 1 1/2 (not anymore. :( ) I just think that is CRAZY. Maybe that is why I used to eat tons of food at a meal, it's what I saw growing up. lol 
I think its because food is so damn good though. O_o

I don't know what Jacob got on his project yet. He said he did good and that the teacher liked it. We'll see. 

I'm going to try and go to curves today. Depends on if my mom will watch the kids for a little while again. If I go, today I'll be getting measured and weighed and everything so I'll finally have some results. I weighed myself at my moms house yesterday, and IT says I've lost 11LBS. I'm scared it's wrong and I've gained weight. That would be more like it. I feel like I've lost weight though. Kinda.. In some areas. I am just proud that I haven't given up yet! woohoo! 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Jacob's Science Project!

I'm pretty annoyed with myself right now. I left Jacob's "Insect Discovery" sheet in his room last night thinking, surely nothing will happen to it in just a few hours. I was wrong. I have NO idea where that thing is right now. He is supposed to have it tomorrow with his Mosquito. He named it the Colorful Texas Mosquito. It only lives in Texas, and its furry and colorful because it wants to trick you and make you think it's a good bug. I sure hope he remembers everything we went over the past few days. lol I'm sure he'll freeze up at first. His mosquito is dang cool though man. 

My left side has been hurting me a lot lately. I had a really bad Kidney infection when I was pregnant with Hailey, and it feels like that almost. I hate this feeling too... it's just, super uncomfortable like your lower back hurts and you can't get comfortable. Hence 'uncomfortable' I suppose. I was going to do this on my kindle tonight, but I had to get on here to print some more pics anyways, so I figured I'd go ahead and get it out of the way. :)

I didn't go to Curves today because they're closed! I did some jump roping yesterday, and running around with the kids in the back yard though. Not like, a lot though because my side/back hurts super bad. 
I'm going to bed now! Allen is working nights again so he'll be out till like, 4 or 5am at the earliest. Suuucks! 

Thursday, March 1, 2012


Against my own wishes, I went to Curves and worked out yesterday. I thought about just doing a light work out because I didn't feel like, super great, but then I figured I might az well get a good work out in since I'm going. By the time I was done, I wanted to throw up. Lol. Seriously, walking to my Jeep, I was trying to think if there was any way to look normal throwing up on public... I kept my cookies though. My heart rate wasn't super high or anything, I didn't get hot or anything. My face apparently was red though. All I know is that it sucked big balls and I don't want it to be like that every time I go. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the fact we've eaten out a lot more. Healthy menu or not, I'm sure there's lots of sodium and grease. Ewwww. I ordered a jump rope on amazon instead of the other I got back (that's going to take a while) it should be here today. Then tomorrow our Kindle cases and the kids clothes should be here. Its like Christmas! Lol
Man I hope that's not me. Haha! Jacob has a science project due kn Monday. He had to choose a bug from a list and we have to make a model of it. Then he has to tell about the 4 stages of life...egg,pupa...whatever and adult bug. He chose a Mosquito. He could have chosen a beetle, lady bug, ant... even a butterfly, but noooo... now we...I have to make a mosquito. I say I, because I'm a control freak and I want it to look good. He needs a good grade! But really..... a mosquito?
Ugh. If there are any like major word malfunctions in this post its because I'm on the kindle and it chooses what ot wants me to say. I don't have time to proof read.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Exercise..?. Id rather eat....

I'm going to start jumping rope every day. I will have to use Jacob's little plastic green one for now but that's better than nothing. Also I'll have to do it while hes at school. Otherwise I'll never get to use it. Lol
I think were going to have to take my kindle back and get a new one. Its already frozen on me three times and that's SUPER annoying seeing as how this things like a week old. What really pisses me off though, is that ive saved a lot of pix on it for this blog. That cant be what's up tho... there's still tons of space. ANYWAYS.... I'm having issues with my diet. I wish I had a personal chef to cook healthy foods for me. It's way too easy to order take out or delivery when u don't want to cook, or get the kids out in the wind and rain. Why can't that nutrisystem diet be more affordable?? I guess I'll just have to start taking Ally again, and force myself into a better diet.
O.m.g Allen is trying to sleep because he didn't get home till 6am and ET is being the biggest ass. Hes screaming constantly, and making Hailey scream by taking her damn balloon. They're testing my patience. Uuuuugh I need a cookie!!