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Thursday, August 15, 2013

Doing It Wrong.

I'm happy I've lost 55 pounds. Scratch that. 50 pounds. I'm extremely disappointed with myself this month. I've let myself go. I gained 4.5 pounds back and I'm pissed. I have no one to blame but myself. I try to blame the kids during the day for not letting me work out, but what about that hour of nap time? I could be busting ass then. Allen would let me go to curves if I wanted to when he got home. But I don't even bring it up. It's my fault and that's what pisses me off. 
Yeah... it's just a few pounds this month... 
Next month it could be a few more, and a few more, and before I know it I'll be right back where I started. a whopping 194 pounds of grossness and unhappy. 
Fuck that. 
Fuck this! 

I've GOT to get back in the groove man. 
I want it. I know I do. 
I just need the discipline back. 
I've got to start taking it one day at a time again. 

I know what I want. I just have to freaking GO GET IT. And drink water. 

I started this blog as something to hold me accountable... and I have failed last month. I have to get back on the wagon damn it. Stop stacking shit on my plate and stuff my face till I can't breathe. Food is the enemy. It's a damn addiction. 

I'm addicted to food. I can't control myself around it. From now on, Allen is fixing my plate. I want nothing to do with it. 
Not until I get this shit under control. 
Man.. I'm just super disappointed in myself. 
Here are a few of my excuses I've come up with as to why I'm not working out as much... they're pretty lame. 

1. We moved further away from Curves, so gas is an issue.
2. No one to watch the kids
3. No time to go. Have to get stuff done when Allen gets home from work.
4. Had to go grocery shopping..
5. I have a bad headache
6. I'm so tired from dealing with the kids all day I just don't want to do anything.

LAME, LAME, LAME, LAME LAME and LAME. 

I'm running this 5k. the whole fucking thing. I'm mad... and I'll take my anger out on myself by punishing my body with a nice, healthy run. damn it. DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!

I just have to GO GET IT.