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Friday, March 7, 2014

Bigger and Better...and Stress

I'm not good with change... and boy, are there some changes on our horizon.
Allen got a promotion at work.. So, we'll be moving back down to the South Texas area. I'm SUPER FREAKING EXCITED and SUPER FREAKING STRESSED OUT all wrapped up into one. Why am I stressed you might ask? My husbands got a promotion, that's good! I know that's good. It's freaking sweet. But there are things that come with the promotion that I'm unsure of.
Like moving.
His company is going to pay for us to be relocated. Which is great! But, we have to find a place to live over there on our own.(A rental because our credit still sucks) We'll need a nice chunk of change to get into a house too... The security deposit, the pet deposit because we most definitely can NOT re home Skeeter. He'd be devastated and so would the kids. Then usually with rentals they want the first and or last month's rent. Plus, we're 4 hours away so it's not like we can drive around and look in neighborhoods we want to live in for rental houses. Allen has family in the area, but since I'm not even freaking sure WHEN we're moving,... looking is pointless and really discouraging right now. Discouraging because I'm not sure where to look... I don't want Allen to have to drive 2 hours one way to get to work. It freaks me out.
I can tell whoever is reading this... that I can't wait to leave. If I'm being honest with myself, A MAJOR reason I wanted to move back to my home town was not only because Allen had an awesome job opportunity, but because I foolishly thought that maybe, if we were closer, my dad would start taking more of an interest in my life.. in his grand kid's lives... that hasn't happened though. If anything at all, moving here has somehow made it worse. Like, I see my dad driving around... at the store... and it's like I'm a stranger. We'll make eye contact and that's it. I hate it. I can't wait to get out of here so I don't have to deal with knowing that, although we live in the same city... only about 10 mins away from each other... my Dad STILL doesn't and WON'T make time for me. Not on my birthday... not on Christmas... Not on my kids' birthday's... Moving away from here and the disappointment that comes with having a parent that couldn't give a rats ass about you is going to be AWESOME. I'm so excited. I can't even tell you how excited I am just for this reason. Also... I want to hulk smash things for this reason.
I just looked back at a crap ton of old pictures while I was debating on what, if anything I should upload... and realized... My dad isn't ANYWHERE in them. Not for the birth of Jacob, not Hailey's baby shower, or her birth, and not Ethan's birth.. Or my wedding..
Father of the YEAR.
A few people are worried I'll be miserable in S. Texas... because I've lived in the area before and I was VERY miserable. I hated it last time we were there. We moved into a house that... I'm almost positive should have been condemned at the time. It had been through a flood, and there was still mud and shit in the cabinets. The carpets were NASTY.. and while we were cleaning it, we found several condom wrappers... and other super weird shit. Then we moved from that dump to a house that we lived in basically for free. Thank God. It was a blessing, but it sucked. It was a two bedroom... really just a one bedroom, but we made one of the other living rooms into a bedroom for Jacob... and we made part of the freaking hallway a makeshift nursery for Hailey... and then Ethan when he was born. Lame. It smelled of old nasty smoke and cat piss too... thanks to the previous tenants. The owner of the house was great though, She didn't make us pay rent because THAT'S how bad off we were last time we lived in S. Texas. I was miserable because we had NO money, a shitty place for our kids to call home, and I was freaking pregnant with a surprise baby that NO ONE intended on having.  Yeah... I was totally freaking miserable. Probably had some postpartum depression or something a few months after Et was born too. Being in that situation would kinda cause it. Plus there were other family issues going on that have since been ironed out.
Yes... 4 years ago, I was miserable. Hands down.
I know it'll be different this time. Allen's got an amazing job... his bosses actually care about what he says, and about our family. They know I've had some health issues so they're trying to make it to where Allen is not gone for weeks at a time anymore. Although, with the new position, since he'll be the "new guy"... He'll probably have to work some nights. BUT I'm fine with that. He worked nights for about 3 months when he started this job... and with his new position, hopefully night shift will be C.A.K.E work.
who knows though. haha I guess he'll find out.
Anyways... yeah, Lots of changes, lots of stress... lots of uncertainty... and It's also caused me to get the biggest fucking fever blister on my lip I've ever seen. It's mutant. I'm pissed. I have a wedding to be in, in like 22 days... and this atrocity better be off my face by then.
It's almost time for Orange is the New Black... yessssssssssssssssssssss