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Friday, February 28, 2014

What the heck is going on.

I'm so tired of Doc McStuffins... Holy Crap.
Anyways. So, I'm not actively trying to lose weight right now... as stupid as that is. I should have put that in past tense.. but I'm too lazy to go back. This blog is all about moving forward today. Yeah, I've gone a freaking year without losing anything. I've bounced around from 139lbs - 147lbs. I'm not HAPPY about that, but I'm thankful I've been able to keep off the other 45+ lbs. I've noticed lately though, that it seems that my body wants to start losing weight again. I'll make small tiny changes in my eating for like 2 days and lose weight. Where before, I was going hard, and not getting any results. 

I have a wedding to be in at the end of March... so, I guess I should kind of get on it. Here are some excuses I've been giving to myself the past few months. 

1. Allen's schedule has been so crazy lately. By the time he gets home, it's too late for me to go anywhere.
2. I don't have the gas to go all the way across town 3 times a week.
3. My back has been hurting a lot
4. I somehow pulled something in my left food.. and my right foot is STILL injured from when I fell down the stairs chasing the stupid cat. 

I don't know how to get my motivation back! I've been trying to find it for a fucking year. I know I have less to lose now, to be at my goal weight than I did when I started, but it's still hard. 
Really freaking hard. 

Great... Now Sophia the First is on. O_o 

Oh... so Allen got reunited with a long lost friend the other day. It was really cute. He hasn't seen him since 2005 and they were like brothers. Allen's always talked about him, and we've looked for him before.. I've looked for him A LOT. I just had no idea where to even start because Allen didn't have any clue where he would have been. Thank goodness for Facebook. 
We're working on getting him over here asap. I talked to him for about 3 hours yesterday, and it's crazy... I've never met this guy before but I feel like we're going to be GREAT friends. He's hilarious.
I'm excited to get these two together. 

So... I went to the Dr. again Monday to figure out whats going on with me and the pain I'm having.. and she basically told me that because I wasn't coming up off the table during my exam, that it must not be that bad. I was prescribed pain meds (greaaaaaat) and She was supposed to get another dr. to contact me in regards to getting a freaking procedure done.. and here we are on Friday.. with STILL no call about anything. I hate it. That dr. made me feel like I was lying about the pain... Which makes me not even want to go back to anyone. THATS why I HATE going to the dr. I tell you that I'm in TONS of pain EVERY month for DAYS... but because I didn't react horribly in the office, it must not be that bad. Not to mention, she told me all my labs and everything were normal... 
She took those labs in 2012.... What year is this now? 2014?... that's what I thought too... 

Allen got some crazy news yesterday at work as well... Now I'm all stressed out again and my eye is twitching. I'm not telling ANYONE ANYTHING till we know more.. .LOTS more info about whats going on. Thats a lie... I've told a few people.. but only because if I didn't my freaking head would explode. 

Now... today I'm going to try to focus on drinking water. I honestly can't remember the last time I had a bottle of water. (Sorry Lea Anne... don't murder me.) 

Like I said ... This blog today... is about moving forward. 
My year of the lazies is over...
I've also decided to wash my hands of the family I have here that doesn't give a shit. 
The last time I saw my dad, was at my grandpa's funeral. (His dad) I wasn't included in anything, he walked right past me, shook my hand.... no hug... I was VISIBLY upset.. but Nothing. I spoke a little with him at the cemetery but we were interrupted pretty quickly by someone who wants him to have nothing to do with me. No call on Thanksgiving, nothing on his grand kid's birthdays, no calls for Christmas, new years, nothing. FUCK it. I'm done. It's just hard to really say that for me. Because it really hurts. 
Shit.. I probably need some kind of therapy. hahaha O_O

nah... I'm done. I'm strong. Tons of daughters don't have a relationship with their fathers. My situation just sucks because I went from extreme daddy's girl to outcast of his family. 

I need something to Hulk Smash.
Or I guess I could do laundry O_o

Here is to a quick month of weight loss! Hopefully by this time in March I'll be 10lbs smaller, and my arms won't look like turkey legs!